Poog is back!
You are the living legends of the Licktoad tribe, slayers of the terrible goblin cannibal Vorka and finder of many fireworks. The whole village enjoyed the fireworks, and you have regularly been sent out for more.
One day, you returned to find adventurers came into the swamp and wiped out your tribe. Your home is in ruins. No one is left.
Now homeless, you have decided to travel to the closest tribe of goblins you know about—the Birdcrunchers. When you arrive, the Birdcrunchers appear unusually nervous and frightened. A wrinkled old goblin with bulging eyes is waddling out of the crowd, approaching you. She’s obviously some sort of shaman—maybe even the chieftain. If anyone here knows whether or not you can join the tribe, it’d likely be her!
The old goblin speaks. “Well, well! What have we here? Licktoads, by the look of you, and from what I hear, orphans as well, hmm? Looking for a new place to live, I suspect? Well, you might be in luck, because we need new blood. Our own chieftains have been... lacking... in chieftainish ways. We’ve been having problems lately with an ogre and his fire-breathing boars, you see, and any goblins capable of killing the boars and driving off the ogre... or driving off the boars and killing the ogre... or... or whatever—well, they’ll not only be welcomed into Birdcruncher territory with open arms. They’ll be made chieftains, one and all!”
With that, the gathered Birdcruncher goblins suddenly animate into cheers and song. Eager and excited, they surge out of the cave to welcome their saviors, but suddenly freeze as the old woman shrieks out,
The goblins freeze in place, and she continues in a softer voice. “But we can’t just assume you’re the stuff chieftains are made of. You might just be lucky. No, no... before we accept you as our saviors and before you’ll even have a chance to face off against Pa Munchmeat and his pig... I declare we have a Chieftain Moot!”
There is more cheering from the watching goblins.
Reta stares at the old lady while digging wax out of her ear with her pinkie.
"FIRE-BREATHING BOARS? SO WE PUT OUT FIRE, THEY SUFFOCATE?"
"Shaman seems know ogre pretty good. How am you know ogre name? Is this trick on Mogmurch and his followers?"
No dumb, fire go out not in. And Moggy no have any followers to play trick on so you safe. Most high old lady what is Moot?
Chuffy giggles gleefully, before a disquieting thought occurs to him:
"So, if we win, we need to go kill Pa Munchmeat? Vorka was bad enough..."
"ME SURE 'MOOT' NOT IMPORTANT."
The goblins wander the village and ask about the moot. The residents are consistently tight lipped, but clearly excited.
The next day comes, and there is excitement in the air. The first dare takes place in a valley slightly to the south of the Birdcrunchers’ caves. The chieftains-in-waiting are led to the center of the valley, blindfolded, and given a short bow and three arrows each (each have fletching of a different color from those of the others so the arrows can be identified after they’re shot).
The Birdcrunchers clamber into trees or sit on rocks that ring the valley as Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh hobbles out to the field. "We start with easy challenge. I release gulls. You shoot gulls." You see three cages of seagulls laid on the ground near her.
Unfortunately, it can't be that easy. You're each blindfolded, and spun in circles.
There is silence, except for the occasional goblin cough, or the sound of someone picking their nose.
"ANY PARTICULAR GULLS?"
Perception
Whether or not he hears anything, best believe Moggy is firing that bow at something.
Attack
Damage
Miss chance, high is good
Poog holds the bow and arrows straight out in front of him, each gripped in a tiny fist. Then he drops them as dramatically as possible.
I HAVE NO NEED FOR YOU MORTAL WEAPONS!
When he thinks he hears the gulls Poog sprints towards hopefully the direction of the cages, hand pointed forward and up with fingers spread wide.
BURN! He shouts.
Reta demonstrates her skill with weapons. Her arrow goes cleanly through the seagull, and nearly skewers another one, to the delight of the crowd. "Two points for Reta" Mummy Sprattleharsh calls. "And one more for style!"
Poog drops his bow in grand fashion. He runs the right way, but unfortunately, the correct direction is down range. The watching goblins are cheer as the possibility of someone getting hurt increases dramatically. The fire of Zarongel strikes true, and a seagull falls to the ground in a little black lump. Mummy Sprattleharsh starts to object at the violation of the spirit of the moot, but catches herself. "Three points for Poog, too," she sighs. "Although we's can't be eatin' it now."
Mogmurch and Chuffy correctly listen for the gulls and fire at the correct time, but both gets slightly turned around. Their arrows narrowly miss Poog's head as Poog runs down field. The Birdcrunchers jeer and laugh.
"Second cage," calls Mummy Sprattleharsh. "Goblins ready!" She moves to the next cage of gulls, slightly farther away.
YOU SEE POWER GIVEN BY ZARONGEL!
And if he thinks he needs to run farther:
Perception
Moggy is firing that bow at something yet again.
Attack
Damage
Miss chance, high is good
Mummy Sprattleharsh surveys the damage.
Chuffy's arrow hits soundly, and the gull falls from the sky. "Four points," Sprattleharsh calls.
Poog, determined to steal the show, throws fire at the gulls, but his aim is a bit off. There are catcalls from the watching village.
Moggy gets a bit turned around by the blindfold, and although he fires well, he doesn't quite make it in the direction of the departing gulls. His arrow heads toward the head of a watching goblin on the hillside. There is a loud goblin scream, followed by a great deal of laughter as the arrow lands point first, sticking straight up in the air, before bouncing off and falling over. "One point to Mogmurch!" snickers Mummy Sprattleharsh.
Reta, not to be outdone, shows what a true goblin warrior can do. Her arrow strikes a gull cleanly, and it falls from the sky. "Four points," yells Mummy Sprattleharsh.
"Final round be further away, and worth more points. You wait 'till I release gulls."
Mummy Sprattleharsh lifts the cage latch, then dives to the ground, covering her head.
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Perception
Moggy is firing that bow at something yet again.
Attack
Damage
Miss chance, high is good
Poog tries to recover the favor of the crowd.
Not about the hitting. About the fire. See Whoosh!
Reta's shot strikes true, and once again skewers the gull and keeps going. What might! What prowess! "Six points to Reta" the elderly goblin yells.
Moggy, Poog, and Chuffy all listen intently, but with the gulls further away the miss the release, and the gulls are well on their way before the three goblins decide—at about the same time—that they should probably shoot at something.
Moggy's arrow and Poog's fire find only empty sky, as the gulls have since departed. Chuffy, however, miscalculates due to the blindfold and fires on the crowd of goblins on a nearby hill. There are shrieks of alarm, but (un)fortunately, no injuries.
"Hah!" cries Mummy Sprattleharsh. "Bows maybe not best tool for chiefs. Unless Reta be chief. But no matter. Next up is Stirge Swamp Stomp!"
The four would-be chiefs are led with some ceremony (and a minimum of catcalls about poor archery skills) to a low, swampy valley. You see posts rising from stagnant muddy water, and stirges on 5' tethers tied to many of the posts. Some of the posts have planks for walking between, about 10' off the ground..
"There be rules, here." says Mummy Sprattleharsh. "Kill stirges. There be 12 of them. Stomping is best. We give you stompers so you can stomp."
A small goblin brings out four pairs of oversized human boots for each of you to wear.
"If you fall in, you be done. It be 5 points for each stirge."
"One more thing. Last goblin standing gets 5 points."
"Ready, Marks, Set, When I say, (stop trying to go early, Chuffy), wait for it, waaiiit for iiiit." Mummy Sprattleharsh throws a thunderstone, which is your signal to begin.
Poog decides to go along with the challenge this time.
Here give me boots.
Reta rushes out of blocks with her big boots on. Between her oversize footwear and oversize head her silhouette looks a bit like a dumbbell standing on one weighted end.
With almost sublime balance, Reta charges forward, big boot clomping loudly on the planks.
Chuffy hustles forward, and attempts to push Reta into the swamp...
...promptly rushing past her, and falling into the water.
Chuffy races at Reta and drops his shoulder, attempting to drive her off the slats. Fortunately, he is nimble enough to avoid falling when he nearly trips. Reta easily rebuffs the attempt.
Poog hustles to the slats, but somehow his oversized boots get ties up, and he falls off the side into the mud.
"Poog is out!" yells Mummy Sprattleharsh. No points for you. (Come back one year.)
Everyone turns to see what Mogmurch will do.
Angered by his lack of success, Moggy just happens to bump Reta's armor into the water as he walks by. "Oh, Moggy sorry, mean Reta," he says in his most earnest voice.
He doesn't even touch the large boot, moving straight to the edge of the water, pulling a bomb as he does so. . He aims at the confluence of the two stirges, immediately to Reta's left. He uses his Precise Bomb ability to keep Reta and Poog safe.
RTA
Damage
Moggy tosses a bomb, obliterating two stirges, and sparing Reta the shame of having her armor kicked into the mud and being singed. A third stirge is caught in the splash.
"Four points to Mogmurch," cries Mummy Sprattleharsh.