After a successful first endeavor as a full-time "adventurer" (yes, just one adventure), you've returned to your hometown of Saringallow for Signing Day, a local holiday commemorating Isger's independence from Taldor
Excited to see friends and family alike, you are most excited to get back together with your high school gang—the Order of the Mystery Machine. Nerds growing up, your gang was your only solace and were the people who got you through the awkward years of your youth. Now that you’ve all become “successful” adventurers, you’re even more excited to return home and parade your new-found status in front of those less successful classmates of yours who made your early years a living hell.
The Order of the Mystery Machine always had a strange fascination with the strange; extraterrestrial aberrations, Abyssal abnormalities, and unquiet undead have long been your gang’s obsession. It seems as though nothing has changed, because no more than five minutes after meeting up with the OMM at a local tavern, the conversation turned to the strange things you experienced during your time outside of Saringallow.
A pint in hand and an almost empty glass of water on the table, Kojo feels himself finally starting to relax as he sits at the tavern table with his old friends. Returning home for Signing Day had so far mostly led to awkward conversations and failed attempts to avoid anyone who knew him (which of course in this small town was essentially everyone). As it had been back in high school, Kojo found comfort and acceptance among the Order. Hell, with this crew Kojo could even be confused as some sort of outgoing person.
"So I got wind of this lake that apparently was home to either a mermaid or some kind of water spirit, depending on who you asked and how much they had been drinking. You know me and water, so I figured I would have a better chance than the locals at interacting with the creature and maybe stir up some treasure."
Part of the reason for Kojo's isolation from the rest of the town was his strange affinity with water. He wasn't a spell caster or a cleric of any ability that could be identified (and therefore accepted), but none-the-less he could manipulate water and even conjure it from nothing. To help emphasize his point, Kojo focuses on his drained glass of water briefly, and suddenly it fills up to the brim.
"So I head out to the lake. I had acquired a potion that, according to folklore, you had to drink half and pour the other half into the lake in order to receive an audience. Down the hatch and splash in the lake, potion is gone. For a few minutes nothing happens. I figure I probably got to get in the water before anything will happen so I start swimming out toward the middle. Next thing I know this blue glowing thing jumps from the water. Hard to describe it really, think approximately human shape but sleek with gills and fins attached to the arms and legs. After a smooth dive back into the water, this spirit swims over to me and all of a sudden I'm staring down a trident. The thing says 'you are a fool' and smacks me on the head. I passed out cold. Next thing I know I wake up completely naked on the shore."
Kojo looks around the stable, pausing for effect. Then his cheeks start burning bright red.
"Turns out the locals were having some fun with me. That potion was basically a hallucinogen. I have been told I basically just stripped down and swam around the lake calling out for the 'Lady of the Lake'. Finally one of the older women from the town convinced me to get out of the water and then smacked me over the head with a frying pan so I would shut up. Good people though. They were so entertained they housed and fed me for a week."
Another Singing Day already and back with the old gang again. Being the younger than most of his gang, Velmar was usually looking for approval from the others. He was one to act first and think second. He was good at the acting, even outside the Order, others said he could be very convincing if he would just take the time to think. His fascination with the magical had led him to them. Hearing Kojo's story, Velmar excitedly began to tell of his adventure.
"I learned of an old haunted court room a few towns over, so I went to investigate. "
Wanting to sound courageous, Velmar continued with none of the fear he felt upon arriving at said courthouse.
"It was really old, with cobwebs and broken benches and everything! There was a giant mural on the ceiling of Iomedae! And an interesting grandfather clock with strange symbols. I was hoping to find a skeleton (he was, at the time, hoping to find anything but), but I found a group of people and arguing about some ghost."
More quietly:
"There could have been a ghost... but eventually all the people just got up and left...The ghost could have just been out haunting some other place maybe..."
Suddenly perking up:
"But guys, you know my ocarina that my grandfather gave me? You know the one I kept thinking was magical? Well it is! It worked! I accidentally dazed a half-orc! I'm serious!"
Death is very bad.
There will be people that tell you death is not bad. They will say that death is natural, or peaceful, or simply a part of life. Those people are wrong, and they are dumb. Death is bad and scary and the exact opposite of life.
It’s okay to be afraid of death. If you’re afraid of death, you’re smart. You’re afraid of it for the same reason you’re afraid of spiders and clowns and funky-smelling milk: because the small, primal part of your brain you pretend isn’t there is trying very hard to warn you about something larger than yourself.
But there's time for these dark truths later.
Now?
Now it's time for f***ing Signing Day, chumps.
"What's up, garbage friends?"
Wax busts into the tavern like the incredible magic woman she is. She immediately runs into someone who was standing by the door, knocking them over. Wax helps them back up and pats them on the back.
"I'm a magical woman," she says. "Magic oozes from my blood."
She sees that some of her friends have already arrived, and she rushes over to join them.
"Yes, it's me. It's really me. I've returned from my travels, where I shot fire from my hands and hurt several people, most of them bad. I fought a dog at one point, too. A dog came at me from overhead—I'm still not totally sure how it did that—and I destroyed it with a little thing I like to call fire. But don't worry, it was some kind of spooky monster dog. An old woman thanked me for killing the monster dog and I bowed and she wept."
She stops suddenly and looks around the tavern, a concerned expression on her face.
"Why the f*** is no one singing on this most sacred Singing Day?"
She points right at Kojo, her finger an inch from his face.
"Your obsession with water flies in the face of my love of fire, and you know it. How dare you conjure water in my presence? Also, I missed you. Also, hello, how are you?"
Ignoring the finger directly in front of his face, Kojo takes a casual sip from his glass of water.
"Always making quite the entrance Wax. However, you still can never seem to top the time you burst into class with your hair blazing."
"But you are, if not always right, at least always hard to argue with. Lets conjure up something a little more appropriate."
Turning toward the bar Kojo makes eye contact with the bartender and signals for more alcohol.
"And I was doing quite well until you had to make that terrible 'singing day' joke. Again. But if music is what you are after, apparently Velmar is going dazzle us with his ocarina."
"This is my chance to prove myself as a legitimate member of The Machine!"
Velmar struggles to fight down his nervous excitement and casually states:
"I guess I could play something if you really wanted."
With a swiftness that betrays his apparent indifference, Velmar begins to play.
Noting Kojo's lack of reaction, Velmar dramatically flops on table.
"Seriously? Maybe I didn't add enough B notes, I could have sworn I added enough B notes."
Velmar sits up and pulls out a parchment covered in notes and carefully examines it.
"The only B you should add is be-getting the f*** out of here trying to impress me with that music."
She holds her head in her hands for a moment, a single tear sliding down her cheek.
"God, that was the worst joke I ever made. I'm so sorry everybody.
Four glowing spheres of light surround Wax, dancing around her in a merry pattern.
"Ignore my mouth horror and focus on the happy lights instead. The happy, magical lights. Praise be to Singing Day."
She signals to the bartender along with Kojo, raising two fingers and nodding her head.
Crawling out from under the table, Tinder begins to jump and try to catch one of the lights in a jar before landing on Velmar's lap after a particularly bumbling jump.
"Velmar! Old friend! I didn't even see you in that courthouse! But did you get a look at that old clock? Fascinating, Fascinating! I do believe that it was carved from the wood of a now extinct tree, it was unlike anything I'd ever seen before! Absolutely splendid! If you promise not to tell, I'll tell you, *whispers* I took a few slivers! Hee hee!"
Tinder shows Velmar a few slivers of wood tucked in a small jar in his pocket.
"I would quite like to see how they burn, but I don't have enough to go destroying any just yet."
The bartender brings over a round of drinks and sets them on the table. A burly man, he speaks with a deep voice full of excitement, clearly enjoying the holiday spirit.
"Here you go, our newest ale! Just came in from Heldren, called Three Devil Ale. It's made from hops imported from Cheliax, I'm told."
"Good gracious Tinder, how long have you been under this table? You know what, never mind, definitely don't want to know the answer to that. Going to focus on more important issues."
Kojo grabs his mug and raises it with a nod to the bartender. He takes a hearty swig and allows some foam to remain on his lip.
"For the record, its 10 AM"
A song, soaked in booze, carries through the doorway.
"Well I've been to a mountain and been to a meadow,
and there was a bird in that meadow and that bird was an eagle
but it was also a dragon so I might have to fight it."
Abner Doubleday, also soaked in booze, is carried through the doorway. His bearers are too attractive and put together to spend much longer in his company.
Wax's dazzling light show catches his unfocused eyes and he realizes he's found his friends.
"Good, good. You're all here. Did I tell you about my tournament? A real slobberknocker they say. They say I won too. They gave me money at least."
Doubleday is dropped. An envelope is placed firmly in his chest pocket and his companions make a quick exit. Several jerky stumbles bring Doubleday upright and to a chair. He grabs an ale, drains it, slams a wooden coin on the table and promptly falls asleep
A few hours earlier at the Saringallow town hall...
Mayor Sandra Trinelli placed the latest report down on the desk, hanging her head in frustration. She breathed a deep sigh and thought hard about what she was going to do.
I'm afraid this is worse than I thought, but any sign of trouble and the townspeople will panic. I need someone to investigate for me without arousing suspicion.
She wasn't crazy about the idea, but knew she had little choice. She reached for a blank piece of parchment, scribbled a note, and sealed it. She called for her secretary from the other room.
"Find them and give them this. Wait for their response—I need to know urgently. If I know them at all, they'll be at Witch's End . . . yes, even at this hour. Go find them."
Back at the tavern...
The drinks continued to flow as the gang celebrated Signing Day in their . . . particular style. None of them really noticed the little man walk into the tavern. He walks over to their table and knocks hard to get their attention.
"A letter from the Mayor," he says, setting a slip of parchment on the table. "Read it so I can take an answer back to her, she's very busy."
"From the Mayor? She does know this is a holiday, right? Well grab a seat and have a drink. Double D here can spare one of his drinks for you."
Kojo gently pats the sleeping Abner and moves his current ale over to the short man. Ignoring the short mans impatience, he slowly picks up the letter and begins to read out loud for the group.
The letter is brief and sloppy, as if written in haste.
Kojo, Abner, Wax, Tinder, and Velmar,
I have heard that you recently arrived back in Saringallow after successful expeditions in the outside world. For that, I congratulate you, but also ask for your assistance. I would say no more here, but our town is in need of your help. Please come to my office as soon as you are able.
Apologies for disrupting your celebrations, but I assure you this matter calls for quick action.
Your Humble Mayor,
Sandra Trinelli
Startled by Tinder's sudden appearance, Velmar knocks his papers off the table. "Always good to see you again Tin. Why do you think the wood would burn any differently than normal wood?"
Hearing Kojo's words:
"Guys! This is awesome! The Mayor wants us! Maybe there is a strange Rune scribbled on her wall, or shimmering lights above the old mine, or....or something even more awesome!"
Velmar quickly stands knocking over both his chair and Tinder.
Remembering his surroundings Velmar quickly picks up chair and gnome and sits back down. He casually states "I mean, if we aren't too busy, after celebrating, if we feel like it..."
Kojo starts shaking Abner if an effort to wake him. Thinking for the better, he pauses his efforts and clears away the remaining ale from anywhere near their trusty brawler. With that taken care of, Kojo takes a more direct approach.
"No we are clearly not too busy, and it would betray the whole point of The Order of the Mystery Machine if we didn't look into whatever the problem is. Lead on little man, looks like we are coming with you to see the Mayor."
Abner lets out a loud grunt and sigh. Head still firmly on the table, he uses both hands to grope along the table, searching for his claimed ale.
"Quite rude, all of this. A man is just trying to get some sleep and some drink. So, just another hour or two of rest and we can deal with Kojo's or the Mayor's or anyone else's problems."
Adopting a placating tone Velmar says: "Come on Abner, I bet the Mayor has something for you to punch. We don't want to miss our chance and have her find another group."
The man leads you through the streets on a route you know well toward the town hall. He ushers you through the building to the back, and you enter the Mayor’s office. The plush red carpet and oak furniture upholstered with velvet lend this room an air of comfort, but it’s also clearly a place of official business, with several layers of administrative papers, staff memos, maps, and charts covering the wide surface of the solid desk in the center. From her tall-backed chair behind her desk, Mayor Sandra Trinelli looks up, shaking herself out of a deep concentration. A subtle look of relief flashes across her face as she motions to the oversized chairs in front of her.
”Normally I’d exchange more pleasantries with my guests, but I fear there is no time,” she says. “The business that brought you here is quite urgent—it may actually be a matter of life and death.
“Let me explain. You may have heard that several young apprentices from various establishments in Saringallow have disappeared in the last couple of weeks. Every one of them has failed to show up to work, and nobody seems to know where they’re gone.
”That’s not all. Rumors are spreading about sightings of enormous insects roaming about town. So far, the townspeople have chalked up such rumors to overactive imaginations, but I fear they might be real, and that they might have something to do with the missing apprentices. I have no proof that the situations are connected, but if folks get that notion into their heads, things are bound to spiral out of control.”
She shifts nervously, as if avoiding an uncomfortable implication, before continuing.
”Please, I implore you to look into this matter quietly and thoroughly—find out where our apprentices have gone and discover the cause of our vermin problem. Don’t jump to conclusions until you have investigated every possible angle; we need to be absolutely sure that we know who or what is responsible before we take any necessary law-enforcement actions.
”I suggest you start by interviewing the masters of every missing apprentice on this list I’ve compiled. I suspect that collectively, they might shed some light on the youngsters’ whereabouts. That could in turn illuminate our vermin problem, but until we have more information, I caution you against suggesting to anyone that the two situations are connected. Beyond that, though, you have my full cooperation in this matter. If anyone gives you guff about your line of questioning, show them this letter.”
The mayor pushes a scrap of paper with several names scribbled on it across her desk, as well as a rolled-up, ribbon-bound letter written on thick parchment.
“As far as an incentive,” the mayor says, I’ve pooled together 50 gold pieces as a reward for each apprentice you manage to find and rescue, as well as an additional 100 gold pieces if you can determine the cause of our vermin problem—and eliminate it. Do we have a deal?”
"HUGE INSECTS! Ms. Mayor this is a dream come true! I shall kiss you in thanks!" Tinder runs up and tries to kiss the mayor on each cheek.
"But also! several questions:"
Tinder visibly vibrates with excitement.
1- Huge? Are they larger than a sack of potatoes?
2- Follow up question: Are they larger than a Ravid or perhaps a Grimlock or Ethereal Filcher?
3- When you say insect, I want to remind you that spiders are in fact not an insect and this is a very important distinction to me when discussing larger than normal creatures.
4- Do you have any snacks?
5- Are their any artificers or apothecaries on your list, how fascinating an opportunity to speak with some of your masters! Much to learn! Much to discover!"
"If it wasn't clear from Tinder, yes we have a deal."
Kojo could feel his excitement rising. People missing, potentially abnormally large insects, and the chance for treasure. This has Mystery Machine written all over it. Good thing the gang is all together.
The mayor blinks a few times in shock at the rapid-fire questions from Tinder before regaining her composure.
Well, let's see: I haven't seen these insects, but my understanding is that they're insects, NOT spiders, and they're about the size of a sack of potatoes. I don't know much of those other monsters, so I can't help you there.
"An apothecary? Yes indeed. Majara Pricknettle operates Pricknettle's Potions and Poultices, and one of the missing apprentices works at her shop. Have you not met? I figured that all the gnomes in town knew each other.
"And finally, alas, I have no snacks. My humble apologies," she concludes, perhaps sarcastically.
"What are we waiting for?!? Let's go interview some Masters'! Who should we talk to first?"
Velmar looks expectantly at Kojo.
"Ms Pricknettle is a good as any place to start, and I imagine Tinder won't wait long to talk to her. And don't give me that look Velmar. You know most of the towns people avoid me like the plague. This can be your show. Maybe redeem yourself with that ocarina."
In his excitement Velmar completely misses the ocarina jab.
My show! I can't believe Kojo called it 'my show.' I won't let them down.
"Ok, fine. I mean if you insist. On to Ms. Pricknettle's!"
Wax, who brought her ale along to the mayor's office and has been very slowly enjoying it this entire time finally finishes the last drop. She gives a satisfied sigh.
"Yes, on to Ms. Pricknettle's. Also, just throwing this out there, but are the apprentices being turned into the giant bugs themselves? I have basically no information to work off of, but when someone gives you A and someone gives you B, you wanna draw that good sweet cause-and-effect arrow between them, you know? What I'm saying is, if we see an apprentice, maybe keep some distance on her until we know what we're dealing with."
She burps for 40 seconds.
"I am a magic woman."
Before leaving, the mayor hands you two slips of parchment. The first has contains the list of missing apprentices:
Betrona Pindlion - apprentice of haberdasher Petrellano Pindlion
Gellion Vazarro - apprentice at Pricknettle's Potions and Poultices
Morvinarr Albusin - apprentice at Witch's End tavern
Noemi Tauralio - apprentice at Gunty's Hearty Breads
Nolaria Wintren - apprentice of the temple and Father Ildris Ruvarra
Pavolus Laterna - apprentice of cobbler Dependable Drummady
The other is the rolled-up, ribbon-bound letter that has been addressed to the townsfolk from the mayor:
My Fellow Esteemed Citizens,
The bearers of this letter have embarked on a matter of official Saringallow business on my behalf. As such, it is my deepest hope that you will treat them judiciously and conscientiously, and that you will trust that any questions they ask are in the interest of furthering this urgent errand. Please answer their inquiries completely and to the best of your knowledge, as you would answer questions from me personally. Should you be aware of another citizen who may have the information they desire, I implore you to disclose those details, as well as anything else that might be of use. Should you aid my proxies in completing their task, rest assured that you will earn my profound gratitude, as well as any small favor from my office.
You Humble Mayor,
Sandra Trinelli
"A sack of potatoes! Phaw! Giant bugs of the size of a sack of potatoes are my singular specialty! How wonderful!"
Tinder bounces up and down on his heels. At the mention of an apothecary and fellow gnome Tinder freezes and begins to mutter, arguing with himself.
"There's no way she remembers, its been what, 15 years?, I thought the whole place burned down and she had to have moved away. But still, no one could remember, I mean I do but I remember everything, except what I want for lunch hahahaha, and even if she does I'm sure she's still got fond memories"
Tinder looks up and smiles broadly, "Well off to the Ms. *erm* Pricknettles Potion Shop!" Swallows largely.
Wax points at Tinder.
"Oh yeah, didn't you f*** her or something?"
"pah! if only!" Tinder exclaimed, "it was so much, much worse than that! a thousand times worse! a million times worse! I shudder to think of it! I won't say another word about it!"
I had forgotten how...unique..... our group can be.
Gathering his wit, Velmar turns to the Mayor and bows.
"Well Madam Mayor I am sure you have lots of important Mayor things to get back to.".
Velmar grabs Tinder and motions everyone toward the door.
Looking back at the Mayor he says:
"And don't worry, we're your men, and woman. We will not rest until we get to the bottom of this case. You can count on the Order of the Mystery Machine!"
As he finishes, Velmar's voice dramatically squeaks, effectively nullifying any dramatic effect his speech would have had.
Walking out of the mayor's office, you turn to head toward the potion shop. Abner stops abruptly.
"Well, as exciting as this is—I need a nap. You go own without me, and I'll meet up with you. Don't kill any giant bugs without me."
Without waiting for a response and without another word, Abner turns on his heel and heads off.
After a few minutes, you arrive outside Pricknettle's Potions and Poultices. Through the window you can see vials and jars, bottled and test tubes filled with bubbling potions and odd ingredients.
[b]"Wax, Velmar, why don't you two head on in and ask about the missing apprentice. Tinder and I are going to look for clues around the outside of the shop."[b/]
Kojo locks eyes quickly with Wax and Velmar while Tinder is otherwise distracted. He motions toward Tinder and starts to guide him away from the entrance.
[b]"Tinder, sounds like I am going to need your expertise. Tell me about insects that happen to be the size of a sack of potatoes."[b/]
Velmar gives a stiff nod and a gulp. He proceeds to knock on the door of the shop.
Wax and I alone....
It wasn't that Velmar was intimidated by Wax, or that Wax was a female. Well, it was actually both of those things.
I am part of the Order of the Mystery Machine, girls are not scary. Even scary girls are not scary.
Velmar continues to repeat this mantra in his head. While they wait for an answer.
A squeaky, somewhat curt voice comes from inside the shop.
"Come on in, we're open!"
Wax busts inside, pulling Velmar along by his hand. In a totally artificial accent, she speaks:
"Hail and well met! We are two adventurers, returned home like heroes of lore! Our good mayor sent us yonder! Hast thou seen any giant f***ing bugs?"
.....girls are not scary.
Velmar gives a yelp as Wax pulls him into the shop.
What my companion means by 'Giant Bugs' is could you tell us any information regarding your apprentice that went missing? The Mayor sent us on a mission."
He reaches into his pocket to pull out the Mayor's note, but remembers that Kojo still has it. Velmar awkwardly keeps his hands in his pockets to hide his search.
Taken slightly aback by Wax's outburst, the gnome in the shop—pale-skinned with bright blue hair and eyebrows—replies calmly.
"Ahh, you must be Wax; I heard you were back in town. I'm glad to finally meet you, your . . . reputation . . . precedes you."
Turning toward Velmar, she continues sweetly.
"And you are Velmar right? You're much nicer than your friend here. A mission from the mayor, eh? I don't know much about where Gellion is, but if he's late to work one more ti..."
She cuts off, and a tear comes to her eye. She studies Velmar for a moment, as if evaluating his trustworthiness.
"You'll help him, won't you? I'm so worried about him. I haven't seen him in several days, and it's very unlike him to miss work and especially not to at least tell me that he can't come in."
Kojo starts his lap around the establishment, keeping his eyes peeled for anything suspicious.
Wax nods humbly.
"You're right, he is much nicer than me."
She studies Pricknettles carefully as the gnome tears up.
While Kojo is looking around Tinder gets caught up in his explaination.
"Well the smaller than a sack of potatoes animals, the STASOP-imals if you will, are a very interesting group indeed. They include your classic woodland creatures such as foxes, cats, gophers, small dogs such as your terriers as well as some more exotic woodlnad creatures like badgers, muskrats, mongooses...or mongeese? Or mongeen? Monganders? Mongoose. Yeah collective singular. Hahhahahahah, sorry just thought of a joke... what do you call two crows sitting on a fence? ATTEMPTED MURDER!!!!"
Tinder chuckles quietly to himself then starts slapping his knee and crying with laugher, throwing his head back. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
All of a sudden he straightens up and continues lost in thought
"But what is far more interesting, is the conjuring of these animals, now I believe that I've read somewhere that it is a straightforward thing to call one of these creatures, or size of creature (the STASOPs), or even to conjure one from a small snap of the fingers. I even heard that old Sarumander the great had the hardest time washing his hands because every time he rubbed his hands together he accidentally summoned a vole and two mice.
Most concerning is what Wax mentioned. To change a man, or boy, or even a small baby into a STASOP, now that takes considerable power. A wizard or alchemist could certainly manage it, but that is not someone I would cross lightly. Which luckily shouldn't be a problem, cause everyone loves me!"