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On Stranger Tides: a Goblin Tale (Inactive)

Game Master James Martin

A tale of goblins and piracy and the havoc that the two can wreak...


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Alright everyone, I need an interest check. Please head over to the OOC thread and let me know if you're still here and what you think so far. It seems we've hit a slow patch and I want to know if you agree and if so, what you'd like to see happen.


male Goblin Rogue

[b] oooh; so smooth; sleek like a baby clubbed seal, Whoosi likes! Yeas utter capts; lets take ee back ta da ship; git yer grubby fingers over hear ta cop a feelzy and lift dis ting; offn ta the ship with da pretty mistress. Ahh ta see da blut oven our enemies drippin offn her; ah [\b]

Whoosi has a dreamy far away look

Our Mysterious Benefactor wrote:

Whosi: the statue doesn't seem to have been carved; there are no chisel marks or carving signs on it. It seems to have been grown into its present shape. Also, you're not sure who the statue is of, though you're pretty sure you remember someone lecturing you on religion once. Maybe that's it?

Also, the statue is surprisingly lightweight. Two of you could probably carry it back to the ship. And it does have mounts for attaching to a ship...


Male Goblin Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager) 7

Crang helps to carry the figurehead, for some reasons he carries it by the breasts...

As he does so, he talks incessantly to whoever else is carrying:
Better wiv axes. Chop off stabbers, put on axes? Yes?


With a great deal of groping, some smashed toes and no end of lewd jokes, the figurehead is carried out of the caverns. The village above is quiet and no figures can be seen. It seems that the cultists have fled to parts unknown, perhaps deeper into the bowels of the island. The sailor with you, who calls himself Jake Alvanar, falls to his knees and kisses the ground when he sees the sky again. "Bless yer hearts, lads! I never thought to see the sky again!"

Down the now skull-less path you go, until you can see the ship before you. It appears to be mostly repaired, or at least, it seems like it's floating and not sinking. Gutbucket grins from the dock, thumping his chest with pride as you approach. "We made ship-shaped! Floats good, now, mighty Fixin' Captain Gutbucket!" Seeing the human with you, Gutbucket licks his lips. "Found 'em food for Gutbucket to fixin'? Go good wit' fish and num-nums!"


M Goblin Druid 7

"OOO you good fixing Captain Gutbucket.... you be careful with der human he's got parsley"


"Parsley? Why dat hoo-man got parsley? Maybe Gutbucket get carrots? Make good stew with hoo-man."


Male Goblin Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager) 7

Crang tries to join in the pirate talk:

Longshanks pie-rat par-lay. Got no hat. Fink Whosi got hat.


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

"Saves me the brain so I may gits his knowledge, puts parsley on it for making it tastes good.


Jake, the sailor in question, begins to get slightly wide-eyed and begins backing down the gangplank away from the ship. "Wait! I called for parley, that means you can't harm me, LET ALONE EAT ME! A curse! A curse on your ship!" He turns and starts to run back toward the island, screaming about a curse...


M Goblin Druid 7

Queue Spots running him down! POUNCE!!

Grinning evily Splurg looks at Spots "Spots... Fetch..."

Turning back to the rest of the crew "Letsa checks village for anythins good then finds more ships to lootz"


Spots doesn't even need to break a sweat. With a yowl and a series of bloody howls, the emaciated sailor goes down, still cursing the ship as he dies.

Mwah ha ha!


Male Goblin Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager) 7

Whosi? Wos 'ee say?


M Goblin Druid 7

"Spots you no play with food give hooman to Gutbucket, he bring you nice fish in trade.."


Spots happily drags the body of the sailor to the dock and drops it upon the wood, growling somewhat happily with himself.


M Goblin Druid 7

At that Splug and Spots trounce back onto the ship to check on their hidden egg and lick(not necessarily figuratively...) their wounds..


As soon as Splurg steps onboard, his sword hums slightly, as if pleased with itself.

When they make their way to the egg's hiding place, they're shocked to find a broken shell and no sign of the inhabitant...

On deck, the figurehead is put into place and lashed solidly to the prow. As soon as the lash bolt is affixed, the entire ship begins to shudder and throb with a barely contained energy. A loud crack of thunder nearly knocks everyone from their feet as the ship suddenly pulls itself free of its mooring and begins moving out to sea, seemingly heedless of the wall of storm in its path. A low sultry female laugh can be heard, as if coming from the ship itself, while a far off howl of anger seems to echo from the storm...

Gutbucket ambles over the assembled Captains. "Ship leaving. Where we go now?" He casually gnaws on one of the dead sailors hands as he asks, chewing loudly.

Heading, Captains?


M Goblin Druid 7

Splurg storms out of his cabin yelling, "WHERE ME EGG!!! SPOTS TRACKS IT!!!"

Splurg will look for his egg then retreat to his cabin to heal, inviting anyone that needs it to come see him... He wants to find the shore again and attack a town, do we know which direction that may be?


Splurg and Spots: make me perception rolls, please!


M Goblin Druid 7

1d20 + 7 ⇒ (11) + 7 = 18 Splurg
1d20 + 7 ⇒ (3) + 7 = 10 Spots and he has scent


Spots begins sniffing around, huffing as he catches some sort of scent. Splurg actually hears the noise first, a tearing sound from behind a chest in his room. He pulls the chest out as Spots begins to paw at it, revealing an odd sight: a reptilian creature about the size of a sea gull has caught and killed a rat. It sits beside the rat carcass, tearing off great hunks of meat and swallowing them whole with a sudden toss of its head.

The tiny creature resembles a pteranodon, but it's different: it has a small red crest on its head and small spikes on its back. It has tiny eyes, and emits a strange high pitched squeak when you move the chest. It pauses in its meal, then awkwardly dives forward, walking on its tiny rear legs and its folded wings. It stops just short of you and begins rubbing itself against your leg, making soft squeaks in its throat. Your knowledge of animal behavior leads you to believe that the little reptile has imprinted on you; you're now mommy Splurg.

Visual Aid


Male Goblin Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager) 7

Wearsa map!


M Goblin Druid 7

"Spots you no eat this me babby Spyke, you sweet baby Spyke you eat rat for momma" Splug pets his new baby while trying to be mindful of Spots feelings.


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

thought youz had the map Crang"


male Goblin Rogue

I gots nay brainpan on dat; fool talks like eee gots rocks in his mouth [b] whosi eyes the sailor looking for evidence of rocks in his mouth

Crang wrote:
[b]Whosi? Wos 'ee say?


male Goblin Rogue

gm; does the ship already have a figurehead, Whosi is trying to figure out where to mount this one; at the front, at the front next to the one already there; or at the back of the ship so we have a figure looking each direction hehe


male Goblin Rogue

at Crang comment Whosi pauses in is engineering ideas...

wearin a map; is Z tattoed... look Boyz; dis be gut n all; butts we still needzome lumber n ore


Male Goblin Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager) 7

Crang looks around, shrugs broady, then goes back to the cave and gets the chest.

Once he has returned, he pins the map to the table in the captains' room using a few stilettos.

Then he offers around the spyglass and pirate hat.

Second best hat. Who wants?

Crang takes off his hat and models the pirate hat a few times before returning his diamond-eyed skull to its rightful perch.

If nobody wants the spyglass then Crang will take a look through it, he doesn't know which end to use though...


male Goblin Rogue

aight; I needs some woodchappas; some dino guards and some wood haulers; weez needs ta git this ship fixed uppn case weez gotta gits outa here prioriz sees; whose wit me?


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

"o'kay, but wherez we gonna gets all that stuffs, count me in.


M Goblin Druid 7

Boat is already fixed and now under sail


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

Ank-hore looks around at the fixed ship, Waves his hands pretending that he is casting. "Theres Whosi Ship all Fixed" He goes over to Whosi and starts examining his head for any wounds. "I thinks you bumped yourz head, reallyz hard."

healing 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (12) + 6 = 18


Once Ank-Hore has examined Whosi and concluded that prolonged exposure to explosives in confined space may have shaken the poor captain, a conference is called. Crang's map is examined; it reveals a strange diagram that resembles some sort of star chart. Knowledge: Planes, please.

Crang examines the spyglass and determines it has the amazing ability to make close things look very far away. After a few moments, he reverses it and determines it also has the ability to make very far away things close. Truly it is a marvel!

The hat, meanwhile, seems to make its wearer disappear. However, repeated uses make the wearer feel lighter, as if they were fading away.

The ship, meanwhile, sails straight toward the hurricane wall. You have about an hour before you begin to sail directly into the Eye of Abendego. If you'd like to chart a course, now would be a good time.


Male Goblin Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager) 7

Crang moves to the front of the ship, hefts his axe and prepares to attack the Eye of Abendego.

Hopefully someone else has a better idea.


M Goblin Druid 7

For some reason Jack Sparrow we have our heading tag line keeps popping into my head...

1d20 + 6 ⇒ (18) + 6 = 24Prof Sailor check to chart a course to the nearest small city we can raid


Splurg does a few calculations, carrying the one, and is able to use the charts to determine that there is a small city called Tashket on the coast of Rahadoum that should be relatively easy pickings. Based on his calculations, he can determine a heading that should allow them to avoid the worst of the Hurricane's fury.

His calculations are somewhat complicated by the increasingly urgent pecking he's getting my his new companion, Spike.

Crang, meanwhile, keeps his axe trained on the storm, determined to cleave the ship's way through the clouds.

After a quick consultation, the sails are set and the rudder aimed toward Tashket. You should arrive in two days.

Go ahead and let me know what you're doing in those two days, and how and when you plan to arrive at the city. Any preparations or plans?


M Goblin Druid 7

Splurg is going to go about healing those that were hurt and tending to his babies. As a goblin I feel pointing the ship in the right direction may make me the Sun Tzu of goblin warfare! I say we get there preferrably when it's dark and run wild in as many directions as we can at once...

"You good Cloud Cleave Captain Crang! I point us at city we get there and rule eatz lots o humanz"


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

Ank-hore will provide funerary rites for those goblins that have died and help Splurg with the Healing the wounded. Ank-hore would also be praying to the Lady to see if she can provide a replacement for his hand, so he will no longer cut himself.

I am picturing him finding a squid or a octopus and tying it to the stump.


Ank-Hore: Finding a squid or octopus is pretty easy, what with the storm churning up the depths. There are also hooks and various implements which could be used as prosthetics, or even a gull-foot or two.


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

I know, I am just putting it in there while I try to figure what would look best. A dead squid tied to his hand might be a bit disconcerting especially when it starts to stink and he decides to eat it.


A trident would be pretty cool.


As the two days wear on, strange occurrences start around the ship. At first, small objects are moved, then larger objects. Finally on the morning before you're due to arrive in Tashket, a goblin is found dead, looking ashen grey and seemingly aged by years...


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

A trident would be pretty cool. There are some cool prosthetics in Strategists and Tacticians(free this week) if that would be allowed for later on in the game.

Ank-hore will examine the body

1d20 + 6 ⇒ (15) + 6 = 21


The body appears to be... drained of life, with the face frozen in a rictus scream. The aging appears to have been instant. Please make a knowledge: religion check for me.


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

Knowledge Religion: 1d20 ⇒ 8


Could be the work of a ghoul or some sort of undead. Doesn't seem natural, that's for sure.


Male Goblin Cleric Level 7

"Something maybe undead killed him or maybe he died from food poisoning because of the human parsely."


Male Goblin Barbarian (Invulnerable Rager) 7

Don't eat any more rat-pie!

Crang stops threatening the weather and sharpens his axes.


M Goblin Druid 7

Spots to sniff the corpse and see if he can follow the scent
1d20 + 7 ⇒ (14) + 7 = 21 percp


Spots sniffs and sniffs, but the trail seems to be either cold or nonexistent.


M Goblin Druid 7

Spots comes back looking frustrated.

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