Finally, the annoying "smooth jazz" that Caspian was blowing is replaced by a properly inspiring thrill of hard bop, and Jaegr goes to town, swinging his pickaxe in a gorgeous arc intersecting with the monster's skull. The mama owlbear drops, shudders once, and then lies still; there is soon a respectable collection of flies buzzing about the shaggy corpse.
Over his shoulder as he fries the owlbear steaks over a campfire, after rubbing them in Tuelvi spices and stuffing them with raisins and bits o' honey:
Did I ever tell you guys I have a +9 to my Handle Animal? We can totally do this--take a few months off, invest in an incubator, voila! army of owlbears!
Owlbear meat is ultra-gamey, suety, greasy, and almost rancid-tasting -- which means that goblins love it! Teenage wood elf boys sometimes pretend to like it to prove how macho they are.
It's somewhat more palatable to others when made into jerky (it becomes hard and almost flavorless).
The eggs are supposed to be tasty. And potentially valuable. And owlbear chicks are totally trainable, you just take a penalty for them technically being "magical beasts" instead of animals. You can incubate them by keeping them warm (like, under your clothes), but then you run the risk of them breaking if you get hit (off-the-cuff rule: if you're put into the next wound category (light or heavy) from a blow with a bludgeoning weapon, the egg breaks).
Guys, I once heard an epic story around the fireplace one Summerseve Rutting Ceremony, about a brave warrior born on the battlefield who had to carry around an egg in his mouth, like this!
[Tries to pop egg in his mouth, but it doesn't fit]
Hmmm. Anyway, how do you guys like your steak? This one's almost done!
Yes, this is flayleaf, a holy herb given to the Tuelvi by Old Mother Tree. It relaxes the body, soothes the mind, and makes you forget where you left your keys. Would you like to try some? All the cool kids are doin' it!
Male Goblin Paladin 7/Teamster Steward 2/Inquisitor 1
[Wakes up from his nap]
Well, hello, hello, hello! Each day given unto us by Old Mother Tree is a blessing and is sure to contain something new. What do you think She might hold in store for us today?
"The old dwarf needs a visor, to protect him from tha sun, yep a great big visor so he kent see tha sky, as long as Caspian is his add-visor, he'll be safe from tha sky."
Traveling onward, following the river north, there are long periods of boredom (enlivened by Caspian's songs) interspaced with interesting sights... a nymph bathing in the river nearly blinds Vanya, before Wyvurn quickly interposes himself in the human's field of vision (Cricket seems unimpressed at the whole episode)... a pair of eagles with the heads of stags swoop down at one point and tear apart a giant otter... a tall stack of rough boulders, piled up taller than three men standing on each other's shoulders, bursts into lambent green flames when Caspian approaches within 50 feet of it.
The green flames shed no heat. On the contrary, you feel a chill from them -- not like an honest winter breeze chill, but more like the sensation of biting onto cold metal with your bare teeth.
Perception check (perking up the ears, squinting the eyes and sniffing the air): 1d20 + 15
Breakdown:
Vision: You see the rocks and flames, as described above. The rocks are dark-colored, but don't seemed to be charred as you'd expect if this were a normal fire.
Hearing: The flames don't seem to be roaring the way real flames would -- rather, they make more of a low, hissing wail.
Smell: You smell a faint whiff of sulphur or something. In the background are the smells of the woods and the river.
Taste: Not applicable (I hope!)
Touch: You feel the metallic chill described above.
