Heathy's Saltmarsh Campaign, II

Game Master Heathansson

"Um, no, Gittik, not hippopotamus - though it is entirely possible that Lord Amber, being a nobleman and all, actually owns a hippopotamus, or even more than one. I was talking about the hypothalamus, which is an important part of the brain, where it... Aw, dammit... AMBER! I'll rip your moustache off and feed it to flumphs! And then, I'll dig your hypothalamus-brain-whatzit out with a blunt spoon and give it to night hags!"

"And so this is how you repay my hospitality? Commoner..."

he is, after all, rather mad.

"I'll make it reasonably quick. After all, that banana split was delicious."

Mmmmm, banana split.

"Mercy for the price of iced creme....YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN!!!!"
He eyes Gittik....
"Not you, you lout! YOU didn't demand satisfaction first."

"What!? We were fighting hobgoblins and Altai was here having dessert? Oh, that's hardly fair..."

"Life isn't supposed to be fair, you Linkboy!!!" shouts the loutish fop.

“I’ll teach you for calling me a linkboy!! Hey Riese, what’s a linkboy?”

"The only thing you could teach me is how to be humble!"

"Your point has some merit, Beldan; once we have dealt with this band of ninnies, I'll make delicious ice cream for everybody."

"Oh, you are indeed a cold one, sir!"
The madman seems pleased with his own wit at that, even as the blood runs from his wounds, ruining his finery.

*Wheeze*

"Shut th' buck up, kimers. Ye lot gab mair than a boorichie ay hens at a hair saloon."

Riese points hit newly acquired wand at the injured man and lets loose..Pyrrus Maximus!! 1d20 6=14 ranged touch, 4d6=18 damage from wand of scorching ray.

With another bestial roar, the summoned Dire Wolf turns and bounds on top of another tasty morsel.

Dire wolf bite Att/dmg/trip attempt if bite hits: (1d20 11=17, 1d8 10=15, 1d20 11=30)

With an echoing roar that doesn't reverberate quite as loudly as the much larger conjured creature, the elf-turned-wolf launches once more into the side of the nearest hob threatening Reise. Looking for all the world as if he intends to tunnel through the hapless hobgoblin and out the other side.

No one remembers seeing Elgan quite this,... enthusiastic, before.

Attack the hob on Reise if it's still alive, otherwise move to the nearest one that won't allow others to AoO me and attack it.

Elgan wolf attack!: (1d20 6=11, 1d6 3=8)

UNfortunately, it seems that his enthusiasm may exceed his ability,...

Tell me when it's time to get up and do my thing! Like a sex machine!

Right on....it's their attack....shortly.

Riese's wand fires up the wounded hob, and the one at b12; both die horribly.

hob at a12 moves to a10, and he along with the hobs at a8, b8, and a9 attack the dire wolf. The wolf takes two hits, but the gigantic canine fanged thing keeps on standing.

(in round 3, Elgan takes out the hob at a10, and the dire wolf slays the one at a9).
Hob at j5 to c8, j7 to d8, j8 to d9, j9 to d10, and i10 to c11, surrounding the wolf.

more to come....telephone...

The 'Amber stabs Gittik once for 12 h.p. with his rapier.
The hobs swing at him; the one at e1 hits for 5 in damage.

The monk hob can't attack through Stiggy's sanctuary cast by the fairy princess. She heals Stigwold up to max h.p. as her round three action, then flies to Gittik's side.

ROUND 3!!!
*elgan and the dire wolf allready went...

Back in a couplea hours.....

Geospatially, I'm completely lost here... However, this seems like a decent plan:

Altai steps a little closer to the action before casting a spell.

Sneaking a bit closer to the center of the action in order to get as many party members as I can in my area of effect. I then cast Haste. Ideally, the spell can affect 5 targets - in case of any problems, my list of targets is, in order of preference, Stig, Gittik, the dire wolf, Elgan and Beldan. Haste rocks - look its effects up here. Enjoy those extra attacks!

If...Stiggy moves 5 feet to f7 (no prob) you get him, Gittik, and the dire wolf; you'd be at g4 or something; a hobgoblin grunt could come after you...oh, and I guess your Ghoul Friday too...

AND, the dire wolf (i.e. Elgan) has one more attack coming to him...

Beldan reloads and fires again at one of the hobgoblins surrounding Elgan’s summoned wolf … but he’s aiming high to avoid hitting any friends, and the crossbow bolt sticks into the top of the door frame.

6 to hit.

Up higher on the wall, there's a little frieze and you hit a statue of a cherub holding a tiny bow.
"OUCH!!!" it says...."Watch out, arseface!!!"
The statue shakes it's little fist at you.

Beldan is shocked that a naked angelic baby knows such language.

"Close your mouth, slack jaw! No, wait...keep it open."
What a little bastich!!!

If...Stiggy moves 5 feet to f7 (no prob) you get him, Gittik, and the dire wolf; you'd be at g4 or something; a hobgoblin grunt could come after you...oh, and I guess your Ghoul Friday too...

So, it's Gittik, Stig, the dire wolf and the mysterious ghoul. Can I hase myself as the last target?

soitinly!!!

The ghoul shoots over to d1 and pwns the hobgoblin at e1; fast like when Yakkity Sax starts playing on Benny Hill.
He's all eating the guy in fast forward mode.

When we hit level 6, I should take Leadership and keep the ghoul as my henchman. After all, every wizard needs a faithful henchghoul.

What's his name again? I forgot.

Apparently, so did he. I asked him when we first 'met', and he replied that he'd forgotten.

I'll figure out something.

Or not. It's not like it's important. But it would be fun to have a henchghoul. ;D

heh heh...

Oh, hey Stiggy; you're not stunned no more's.

(edit) I started one in off topic.

I gotta go read "Pickman's Model". BTW, what do ghouls look like, anyway? Like any of these guys?

I was thinking like the helicopter guy in Road Warrior, except dead.

Dire's extra Bite/Dmg/Trip attempt (1d20+11=18, 1d8+10=17, 1d20+11=29)

As Alati's spell captures the dire wolf in it's effect, Altai mystically turns up the dial from 'Oh No!" to 'We're F!@#$%!" on the hobgoblin S#!^ o meter, and the ravenous canine snaps and makes kibble out of yet another hapless hobgob,...

'Shakes the hobgob around like a dang ragdoll.

Stiggy; Gittik; Riese...

Heh heh...the dire wolf killed the hob at d8.

"Now you MAKE ME MAAAAAD!!!!"

Rage on. Attack the Amber with the scimitar, have at the hobbo with the kukri. Roll to hit with scimitar = 15 + 10 = 25, damage = 2 + 6 = 8. Roll to hit with kukri = 8 + 10 = 18, damage = 1 + 3 = 4.

Just thought I'd point out that Gittik's hasted, so he hits ACs 26 and 19. Also, he has one more attack.

Yeah; waiting on Stiggy, Riese, and Gittik to go again.

Gittik drops the hob at e2 with his kukri, tearing out a chunk from his ribcage.
The Amber takes a scimitar slash across his abdomen, but he seems to have at least a little more life left in him....
(until Gittik takes his second attack...)

What happened to Jag Doom?

He tried to hit you while you were stunned, but the fairy princess cast sanctuary on you, and so he lost the urge. He got real mad.
Oh....and he's a clone of Jag Doom....grown in a vat.

He tried to hit you while you were stunned, but the fairy princess cast sanctuary on you, and so he lost the urge. He got real mad.

Oh....and he's a clone of Jag Doom....grown in a vat.

Stig suddenly remembers Mammy Mackhammar throwing him down the well:

[2H PA]Axe, damage: (1d20+8=28, 1d10+11=21)

Niiiiiiice!

[2H PA] Confirm, damage: (1d20+8=21, 1d10+11=12)

That's ummmm... 33 damage?

Chops him in half.
You're hasted as well, so you can move towards the clot of six hobgoblins fighting the dire wolf, or toward the Amber fop that's going swords with Gittik.

"Zounds!!! Well, I'll need another champion!" says the Amber dude.
[edit] the first attack killt him; if you wanna move you can...

Haste is effin gnarly!!!

Haste is effin gnarly!!!

Yep! Just remember that the Bad Guys also know how effin gnarly Haste is too! ~exits stage left before the lynch mob~

Just thought I'd point out that Gittik's hasted, so he hits ACs 26 and 19. Also, he has one more attack.

Oh, thank you, I didn't realise. Second attack with scimitar - roll to hit = nat 20, confirm = 19 + 1 + 10 = 30. Damage = 2 + 2 + 12 = 16.

"Heh heh....."

That's ummmm... 33 damage?

Actually, axes are x3 critical weapons, so it's more like 66. Not that it matters, but still...