DM Zyren's Heart of Darkness
Game Master Zyrenity

!!! Angry Tomcat is Angry

Ashya screams in horror as Al tears the necromancer limb from limb - luckily Jinx has caught Blaze in mid-air and so she is able to escape into the dark corridors of the gigantic tomb...

"Good boy, good, be." Jinx awkwardly pets the enormous feline that is crushing his ribs. Squeezing out he flaps off in chase of Ashya to apologize for the unfortunate accident that had befallen her sugar daddy.

Then again he might be running to meet her in a dark corridor so she can eat his brains in quiet.

Who knew? That was the allure of adventuring.

Well, THAT was unpleasant. Let's take a look at where he came from . . .

Vaughn sidesteps the puddle of half-orc necromancer slag to peek inot the room the Happy Couple came from.

Berry throws her arms up in exasperation. "Really!?!"

Berry walks away from the macabre tableau obviously upset by the pointless massacre.

"Well, at least we do need to worry about him stealing corpses any more, but what do we do about her? Do we need to worry about this Ashya? She is certainly not going to be pleased with us for allowing our cats to devour her husband."

The room from which the two came consists of a massive bed with red linen on it, a chest at the foot of the bed and a large drawer. Two open books lie on the bed their pages full of sexual illustrations.

--------

Ew. I quickly close the books, keeping my eyes averted. I'm going to have to spend some time at the Shelyn temple to scrub my mind of . . . this.

Berry, you care to check this chest for traps?

Jinx glances down at the dead naga, then up at the scowl being launched his way, and then back down. All of this takes place in the space between the pulses of his warm blood sac, as his mind struggles to process what just transpired.

While impulsive, he was far from suicidal, and his survival reflex was bringing out the fight or flight reflex.

Taking a step backwards he simply asks, "Why?" loud enough to be heard by the others.

She had set upon a droopy-skinned naga, so he had no doubt of her power. Floyd screamed, in his head, for him to bring the weapon to bear.

"Why don't you let Alchy just tear it to shreds!? It's obviously an evil necromancer's chest with evil necromancer things in it!?! Let him deal with it!" Berry calls back from the other room.

Ashya's anger ebbs away as she looks down on the miserable remains of what once was a mighty naga

I just took revenge for my dead lover...go now...

she turns around and hastens down the corridor.

---------

Al and Blaze have caught up to Jinx. They look rather agitated as they try and work out whats going on.

Moments later, the Alcheringas massive cat form is replaced by his Elven one.

"Are you their ally?" his question is neutral and almost emotionless. His eyes rest on the dead 'naga' and not Jinx, that is apparently Blazes job.

Jinx' shoulders quickly rock up, but slowly rock down in resignation. He had a pit of unhappy come to take up residence in his stomach, since the slaughter of the defenceless necromancer, and he did not fully understand it.

His eyes track the departing undead lady wondering if more killing (could she die again? Could they hurt her more than they had by killing her mate? Did she care or even have emotions?) was the answer to this situation.

The naga lay dead, but he knew not what had transpired before he rounded the corner.

Al simply grunts an answer, the grunt has a tone that seems to suggest 'it is what it is' in any language. "Coming?" he offers to the Goblin. "Blaze wants to know why you jumped in the way, for a moment there was a thought that you were an enemy, although I can see you only meant the best for them"

Nodding without making eye contact, perhaps images of what just transpired providing a healthy level of newly-found fear/respect in his interactions with the druid, Jinx pragmatically searches the naga for interesting shinies, not to mention a toe or 8, and pads back in to join the others.

Never one to dwell on morality, or much else if truth be told, the gunslinger finds himself enthralled by the naughty tomes, taking the opportunity to act out what he sees with constant refrencing glances back at the pictures to ensure he is enacting it accurately.

The weird little guy holds the tomes close to his chest and giggles with naughty glee.

Alchy just chuckles at the Goblins crude and lewd antics.

As he passes the body of the fallen necromancer, Alcheringa mutters something incoherent, almost a chant, then incants (Detect Magic) over the remains, then to the chest Vaughn mentions, Alcheringa simply utters similar incantation (Detect Magic) before peering closely at it.

Perception 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (13) + 14 = 27

Assuming nothing is found as being magical or trapped with the chest itself, Alcheringa opens it.

"I just took revenge for my dead lover...go now..."

As she leaves, Kyren questions the others. "What did she mean that she just took revenge for her dead lover? Did she do something that we are not going to like, or is she content to be free from that Naga Lord wantabee?"

Kyren watches Alchy cast detect magic upon the necromancer and watches with a smile on his face, wondering if the druid found anything of value.

The necromancer indeed had some valuable/magic possessions on him or in his chest:

Formulae book (enlarge person, cure light wounds, crafters fortune, ant haul, blur, bullet shield, vomit swarm, rage, thorn body, marionette possession, arcane eye)
magic wand
mwk studded leather
mwk embalming tools
mwk thieves' tools
magic spear

"May I kindly look at this wand, Alchy? I wonder what it can do?"

Kyren waves his hand over the want in a graceful flourish and casts detect magic upon it. "Presta Frazza Moland, reveal to me the magic of this wand!"

Spellcraft 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (12) + 13 = 25

Jinx draws out handful of red linen slashing it apart with his dagger. Once he has a long enough section he rests it on his shoulders and ties it off like a cape.

The next few minutes consists of the gunslinger clambering up on the bed and leaping off, so he can employ his new cape to full effect.

"What are you doing, Jinxy? " Kyren asks with an amused smile. "You look like you are dressed to be a lord. Just wait until the wind blows your little cape, you will look like a real character then!"

Emulating Berry the little goblin throws his arms up in exasperation. "Really!?!"

Picking up a pillow he launches it at Kyren.

Pillow Strike (Improvised Weapon): 1d6 + 9 ⇒ (3) + 9 = 12

Throwing a thumb at his chest, stopping his hopping off the bed long enough to explain the same thing for what felt like the 80th time, he announces slow enough that a lobotomized field mouse could grasp it, "Jinx. Jinx. Jinx. Not not Jinx."

...and then he continues his antics.

Hey, I think that cape is working for you! don't feel too bad, Jinx. Kyren gives everyone a nickname, it means he's starting to like you.

Jinx points at Vaughn, when the fighter gets his name right, and looks back and forth from Kyren to Vaughn, trying to will the sorcerer to burn his name into his psyche. Names were a serious business, and no one could steal a goblin's name, or put baby in a corner.

The gunslinger starts fashioning capes for everyone.

The wand is a wand of command undead with 17 uses left.

Emulating Berry the little goblin throws his arms up in exasperation. "Really!?!"

Picking up a pillow he launches it at Kyren.

Pillow Strike (Improvised Weapon): 1d6 + 9 ⇒ (3) + 9 = 12

Reflex Saving Throw 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (7) + 6 = 13

Barely dodging the pillow, Kyren remarks, "Hey watch where you throw that thing! I'm not sure who's been sleeping on that, but it needs to stay away from me!"

"Jinx. Jinx. Jinx. Not not Jinx."

"Yes, yes, my little caped crusader! Two nots is an affirmative and that is why I called you by your name, Jinxy! I am so glad you feel so proud of it, but if you don't mind, I will just use it when I need your attention or have something to say about you. I much prefer using names instead of saying things like, 'Hey you, with your fingers up your nose', or something equally demeaning. Now you go run around and play, but don't go too far. We will still need you and that little boom boom stick you carry. What did you call it again, a Floyd or something? Oh yeah, and be careful tossing that pillow around. We don't want anybody to get hurt now, do we?!"

--------

After inspecting the wand of command undead, Kyren whistles to himself and then speaks to the others.

"Well, well, well, my friends. It looks like this little wand can be used to command undead. It has been used before, but it still has seventeen charges left in it. I wonder if this is how the necrophilic necromancer got his zombie bride to marry him. You know what, Alchy? I have to say this. I am glad you took a bite out of him. These people do nothing to improve the quality of life of those around them. Crazzleboks, he was even harassing the dead!"

The goblin turns his back, intent to ignore the halfling until he calls him by his proper name. It is passingly familiar to how a young child would react to an imagined slight, sans the holding of one's breath, or utilization of rubber and/or glue.

Grrr....posting from my phone is not good for picking the correct alias...

"He was a thief. He took that which was not his, he stole that which was rightfully placed, and now he in turn pays back that what he stole with his own bones. Those that steal from the Mother invite the sternest retribution from her sons. Oh and he ran, don't run from predators, it just proves the runner is prey. Oh and never trust a necromancer."

Alcheringa smiles as he hefts up the spear...
Spellcraft 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (20) + 11 = 31
"This is nice worksmanship, Mothers gifts abound here..."

Kyren casts read magic and looks through the necromancer's formulae book. "We've got some winner spells here," Kyren remarks with a bit of sarcasm. "Vomit swarm and Marionette Posession are two of my favorites. Let's just pack this book away and see if we can sell it back in Kaer Maga to some sick puppeteer with indigestion."

Watching Alcheringa inspect the spear, Kyren comments. "That looks like a nice little weapon. Not that I would use it, but if that's your thing. Keep it if you like, my friend."

Turning to the others, Kyren adds, "That goes for any of you. If you see something you like then speak up. There plenty here for everyone!"

Turning to Berry, Kyren says, "I see you eyeing that masterwork embalming kit! You know you want it. Give in to that impulse and you can start your own business that everyone is dying to get into!" Kyren smiles a sly grin as he chuckles to himself

"I just like the artwork" assures Alcheringa, "The bonding of magic into an object, the fine craftsmanship, the feeling of the ebb and flow of the mystical energy"

""I just like the artwork" assures Alcheringa, "The bonding of magic into an object, the fine craftsmanship, the feeling of the ebb and flow of the mystical energy"

"That's what I love about you, Alchy! You always find the natural beauty in the places we go and in the items we find. That makes you a real curious cat!"

The spear is a weapon +2 - back to the entrance of the tomb?

Jinx wanders off back to the entrance of the tomb, trailing behind a jaunty little red linen porno cape, the other capes left half completed and completely forgotten.

His backpack included two new books of sexual illustrations with all the words crossed out.

There weren't words in the first place :)

At the entrance of the tomb, the grey-veiled priestess of Pharasm is already waiting, her eyes widen as soon as she notices the mall goblin-superman

Er, you...?

There weren't words in the first place :)

I think if you read closer you will realize that there are indeed words...

Jinx marches right up to the priestess and throws his thumb over his shoulder, "Slow they."

Shaking his head, the goblin is resigned to the fact that he has hitched his wagon to a very slow star, he shrugs and announces, "Nek-dancer dead, pay now."

Jinx holds out his hands to receive a payment that he hopes requires two hands to carry.

The priestess looks down on Jinx' opened hands...it takes several moment before she realizes what the small makeshift pirate wants

Wait...I don't know you - how did you enter the tomb and who got killed? Speak!

"Walk with talktalknevershutup." Jinx thumbs himself and then leans in so his uncovered crimson eye can get a better look at the priestess, wondering if she meant to stiff them.

Snapping his fingers he flops down onto his muscular buttocks and brings forth the book of sexual illustrations and points at the half-orc. Tapping one of the pictures he glances up the long distance to the cleric's face and runs his pointer finger across his throat and pushes air through the side of his mouth, sounding much like a duck that doesn't know how to make a duck call.

In answer to the question of how he got into the tomb he innocently says, "Slave. Kill master. Free."

You were the slave of this naked half-orc here? she points at the book, trying to piece together what scant information is given here And now you are free...but who is nevershutup?

"Related talk talk?" Jinx stands and leans in closer, wondering if his sharp eyes can detect the brainbad trait in this one.

"Bad master fall hole, accident shot 9 times." The goblin waves his hand over the picture to relay that his dead master was not the half-orc.

Glancing back he wonders if the others are far. Someone better suited to long conversations was required here, else they would never extract their payment.

Wandering off was an option, but Jinx figures that a meal is in order first. Shaking the "naga" toes in the filthy jar, he recognizes that the toe flesh is not puckered enough, he instead proceeds to devour a few helpings of elven tongues.

I think the words were "Brown chicken, brown cooooow!!"

Dangit, there he goes again. You guys pack up the goods, I'll catch up with the Pirate King

Vaughn jogs after the guy from Pirates Of No-Pants to try to keep him out of trouble as the rest get there stuff together. When he sees the goblin talking with the preistess, he cuts in.

Uh yeah, there was this necromancer who was doing experiments with the bodies. We put a stop to it, your graves should be safe now. I'm stil unclear on how this little guy got here specifially, but he's with us now. If you could wait until the rest of my gang gets here, maybe you could tell or show us the way to the Bazaar, as you promised?

Wiat what? This naked creature in the book was the necromancer responsible for stealing the bodies? And what did he do with them and how were you able to overcome him? Aaaaand...what kind of payment demands this thing there? Is it one of his apparitions?

Kyren runs along with Vaughn Elliot and joins in the discussion with the priestess.

"Greetings, Mam. We have certainly dealt with the necromancer. In fact our cats decided to make a little snack out of him when he decided to run away. I think it was the predator prey instinct that kicked in. You can hardly blame the cats can you? Not that you would want to anyway. As for overcoming him, well it was rather easy once we caught him by surprise. He really did not want to fight us. Naturally, who would, but anyway he was dispatched with very little resistance."

"Aaaaand...what kind of payment demands this thing there? Is it one of his apparitions?"

"Uhmm. Could you repeat the question, please? I am not sure what you are asking. What payment demands are you asking about? The necromancer was simply using the corpses to turn a profit."

I mean this thing! and she points at Jinx again.

"Thing!?!", why do all the brainbads have such a difficult time with his name?

Smiling in Alcheringa's direction Jinx resolves his problem in the same manner that the druid had earlier.

Strike 1 (Ranged Touch Attack]: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (12) + 13 = 25 *Up Close & Deadly (1/3 grit points)
Strike 1 (Damage): 3d6 + 11 ⇒ (2, 1, 5) + 11 = 19
Strike 2 (Ranged Touch Attack]: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (10) + 13 = 23
Strike 2 (Damage): 1d6 + 11 ⇒ (4) + 11 = 15
Strike 3 (Ranged Touch Attack]: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (16) + 13 = 29
Strike 3 (Damage): 1d6 + 11 ⇒ (1) + 11 = 12

Jinx was a nice character before he surrounded himself with such poor role models :)

"I mean this thing!"

"Oh this little goblin. Well, we sort of found him along the way and we weren't sure how he got here or what he is doing down here. However, we doubt that he has anything to do with the necromancer and he seems harmless enough . . . "

Smiling in Alcheringa's direction Jinx resolves his problem in the same manner that the druid had earlier.

Strike 1 (Ranged Touch Attack]: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (12) + 13 = 25 *Up Close & Deadly (1/3 grit points)
Strike 1 (Damage): 3d6 + 11 ⇒ (2, 1, 5) + 11 = 19
Strike 2 (Ranged Touch Attack]: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (10) + 13 = 23
Strike 2 (Damage): 1d6 + 11 ⇒ (4) + 11 = 15
Strike 3 (Ranged Touch Attack]: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (16) + 13 = 29
Strike 3 (Damage): 1d6 + 11 ⇒ (1) + 11 = 12

"Stop! Stop! Jinx, you crazy goblin! Help! Help! Somebody grab him and stop him from attacking any more! Come here you little twit!" Before getting any help from the other Wee Bluets, Kyren grapples the little goblin, and as if it was his destiny to do so, pins him to the ground.

Grapple attempt: 1d20 + 4 + 1 ⇒ (19) + 4 + 1 = 24 <---- (Using Touch of Destiny)

"Bad Jinx! Naughty, naughty, Goblin!" Kyren scolds the creature.

Once the goblin is secured, Kyren speaks to the priestess all apologetically, "Crazzleboks! He's never done that before. I'm so sorry! I beg you to forgive the wretched imp! He must have seen how our cat handled the necromancer and was trying to explore his inner feline. I know he has suffered from some inferiority complex as well as some identity crises of sorts and he doesn't respond well when you get his name wrong. However, I have never known him to attack anyone! Just count yourself lucky that he didn't use Floyd, his boom boom stick! Perhaps it was something you said. Did you say something to him to make him mad? Now that we've got him restrained, he should not be a problem any more. Can we please help you with those wounds?"

Kyren makes every attempt to ease the situation and smooth over any remaining tensions.

Diplomacy 1d20 + 16 ⇒ (18) + 16 = 34

Alcheringa isn't sure about what to make of what just happend, and simply leave it to Kyren to resolve. Looks like Jungle Law playing out.

On the other hand, Al and Blaze come over to help settle the Goblin.

Contrails of oily smoke drift up from the end of Floyd, having just sneezed moments prior.

Jinx stops in mid-reprimand, for he is not named "twit", whatever that might be, and smiles encouragingly to Kyren when he gets his name right. It might foretell the onrush of the Apocalypse, since the number of failed attempts far outnumber the accurate accountings of his label, but he was bound and determined to be encouraging.

Perhaps time could cure the brainbad disease.

It is easy to settle the goblin, for he is not riled up, he is simply trying to fit in by emulating those around him.

Then he is called imp and harumphs at the half a "ling".