Castle Amber

Game Master waynemarkstubbs

Deep in the Ethereal Plane lurks a small demiplane, consisting of a large gothic manor house and its grounds. Lights flicker in its windows, fountains play in its carefully manicured gardens, and the sound of feasting and jollity comes from within.

At first it might seem like a welcome respite to planar travelers, but those few who have escaped describe a place of chaos and madness, where all times and places seem to converge, and yet nothing ever changes. Where the dust of millenia lies on flower that are still as fresh as the day they were picked, and where visitors from a thousand worlds and realities have reshaped the very fabric of the house to their wills.

They describe an ancient, powerful, inbred family of nobles, trapped by a timeless curse, who have existed so long that they are no longer sure which parts of their personalities are truly their own, which are masks they have adopted to break the boredom of endless eons, and which have been whispered in their ears by sinister manipulators in the shadows...

The West Wing

The Goat Bridge


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"The following fragment was recovered from a chest discovered adrift in the deep Ethereal, possibly left there by a mage who never had the opportunity to retrieve it. Although its origins are obscure, its format is that of a 'sea shanty' - a sailor's song sung on several Prime worlds. The fragment appears to be incomplete, and describes the build up to a most curious sea battle. Several references within it suggest a link to the cause of the planar temporal anomalies you have been tracking. I hope it will be of interest."
- Letter to Professor Jeskiun Parr, Department of Comparative Planar Anthropology, University of Sharn

Now heave! and ho! me hearties
And mark well what I do tell
The tale of strangest battle
Every fought upon the swell
Nor clipper ship nor galleon
Did plow the brine that night
T'was in a carpeted hallway
That three bathtubs they did fight!

Oh yohoho and a bottle o'rum
And a hearty pirate arrrrrr
We raise our cup to brave heroes
That came from near and far
Oh raise yer cup to all o' them
That could be fightin' still
In the endless, maddened, timeless, deadly
Halls o' Ambreville!

Cap'n Corlan came from Greyhawk
He knew well the pirate's task
But takin' on the Hot-tub
It was a mighty ask
He wasn't sure o' fightin'
But if his courage moved to fail
The site o' naked wenches
It was sure to raise his sail!

Oh yohoho and a bottle o'rum
And a hearty pirate arrrrrr
We raise our cup to brave heroes
That came from near and far
Oh raise yer cup to all o' them
That could be fightin' still
In the endless, maddened, timeless, deadly
Halls o' Ambreville!

Borden trailed behind him
A drink still in his hand
It was his way o' copin'
With the ways o' this strange land
Lady luck had gifted him
A chance to win renown
If only for ten minutes he
Could put the bottle down!

Oh yohoho and a bottle o'rum
And a hearty pirate arrrrrr
We raise our cup to brave heroes
That came from near and far
Oh raise yer cup to all o' them
That could be fightin' still
In the endless, maddened, timeless, deadly
Halls o' Ambreville!

Lucia was a noble's lass
Who stood both tall and fair
And o' the five she least the knew
What she was doin' there
Her rage it grew like thunderheads
As she bestrode the halls
And if she didn't get some answers
She was goin' ter break some balls!

Oh yohoho and a bottle o'rum
And a hearty pirate arrrrrr
We raise our cup to brave heroes
That came from near and far
Oh raise yer cup to all o' them
That could be fightin' still
In the endless, maddened, timeless, deadly
Halls o' Ambreville!

Celeste could see the madness
That swirled around that place
It reminded her o' places
Dark within the depths o' space
But to understand the Ambers and
To puzzle out their tricks
It were vitally important
That she got her caffeine fix!

Oh yohoho and a bottle o'rum
And a hearty pirate arrrrrr
We raise our cup to brave heroes
That came from near and far
Oh raise yer cup to all o' them
That could be fightin' still
In the endless, maddened, timeless, deadly
Halls o' Ambreville!

Mordan and his Sister
Made up this group o' braves
That closed an' joined in battle then
On woven carpet waves
His spells bore death upon them and
Her claws were rightly feared
Even if their relationship was
Both icky and slightly weird!

Oh yohoho and a bottle o'rum
And a hearty pirate arrrrrr
We raise our cup to brave heroes
That came from near and far
Oh raise yer cup to all o' them
That could be fightin' still
In the endless, maddened, timeless, deadly
Halls o' Ambreville!

(manuscript ends)


The two great armadas close on each other. Slowly, impossibly, Corlan feels his bathtub begin to pitch and roll, as if he were on the high seas, as the carpetted hall around him seems to transform itself. Everything is still there, but the floor seems to grow almost liquid - he sees the carpet distort and roll as great waves disturb it, and the wake of his mihty vessel stretches behind. He notices that at some point the taps on the end of his bathtub have disappeared, to be replaced with two miniature bombards.

Captain Marie-Therese, with Mr Rubberduck perched firmly on her shoulder, leads the assault on the Gropey Hottub with bombards of her own. She also waves a cutluss in one hand - you do not even want to think where she could have produced that from.

Meanwhile, the landlubbers - that is, everyone who is not currently in a bathtub - have found their progress blocked - the floor seems insubstantial, like quicksand, and they are forced to stand further back where the waves of the carpet lap at the hallway shore. Luckily, there is another of the small bombards on the wall nearby that can be pressed into service.

Cap'n Corlan - each round you may 1) MANEUVER, and fire one shot, or 2)BROADSIDE, and fire 2 shots, but leave yourself more vulnerable to attack, or 3)CLOSE and try to fight hand to hand, or even board the enemy, or 4)RAM, which requires you to MANEUVER the previous round, and is a very high risk strategy.

Landlubbers - you may fire one shot each round - one person fires per round (it's a ranged attach). The others may attempt to grant circumstance bonuses by shouting salty oaths and bloodcurdling encouragement in suitably piratey lingo. Other actions may be attempted.

Inititaive rolls please.


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

"Relationship? Hey! She's my sister"
Mordan init: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 2 = 17
Sister init: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (14) + 1 = 15


Female Half-elf Oracle 3. AC 12. Hp 21. Init + 8. Low light vision. Perception + 2. Fort + 2. Will + 3. Ref + 3

Celeste Init: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (5) + 8 = 13


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

Lucia Initiative: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (16) + 7 = 23

Smirking, Lucia had just started a bullrush at the Gropey Hottub, planning to hopefully overturn it, when the carpet at her feet turned into...something else. Suddenly thigh-high in the...whatever...Lucia managed to struggle back to what constituted "shore" (perhaps with the help of Celeste, Mordan and Sister--Borden's out in the hall, away from the sight of naked middle-aged women, correct?).

"Bloody hell!" the warrior woman growls once she's clear of the quickcarpet. After silently nodding her thanks to those who helped her ashore, Lucia again turns deadly serious.

"What are you all just standing there for? Man the cannon!" To Celeste and Sister she apologetically says, "Or woman it, as the case may be...."


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Mordan Talus wrote:
"Relationship? Hey! She's my sister"

"Why, yes, the physical manifestation of my subconsciou IS a prepubescent girl with homicidal tendencies, wearing a negligee - what's wrong with that? Please put down the pitchforks."


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

Lucia's pretty decent at ranged combat, so I'll have her take the cannon shot. I'm offline for the next 43+ hours, so I'll make the roll now so as to not slow up the game. Someone else can roll damage, if applicable.

Lucia the Bombardier (+3 BAB, +3 Dex): 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (11) + 6 = 17


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30
GM_Ragged wrote:
Mordan Talus wrote:
"Relationship? Hey! She's my sister"
"Why, yes, the physical manifestation of my subconsciou IS a prepubescent girl with homicidal tendencies, wearing a negligee - what's wrong with that? Please put down the pitchforks."

Ha! It's worse than that. It may appear that she's wearing clothes, but that's her skin. If you cut her negligee it bleeds!


Bard/1 AC16/18 (T12 FF14 CMD15) HP14/[14] Init +4, SPD:30 Perform 2/[4] Fort +2 (+2 trait bonus vs. poison or drugs (+4 to avoid effects of alcohol), Ref +4, Will +1, Perc +5 SM -1 Action Pts: 5

Manning the Cannons Capt!

FIRE!: 1d20 + 3 - 4 ⇒ (7) + 3 - 4 = 6 for [DM adjudicated result]


Female Half-elf Oracle 3. AC 12. Hp 21. Init + 8. Low light vision. Perception + 2. Fort + 2. Will + 3. Ref + 3

Celeste mans the cannons, not sure of what she's doing, but trying her best to load.


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

link:

"What should we do?' Sister asks.
"I don't know. I don't see how we can help with the battle. I should have cast
mage armor on him but he's too far away now."
"Do you think I can run over there?"
Mordan looks queasily at the heaving carpet sea, "No. I think you'd drown in animate fabric."
"My claws are not of any use in this. I will search for the scrub brush"

Sister will begin searching through cupboards and behind furniture looking for the golden pirate back scrubber (the Golden Loofah).
search: 1d20 + 14 ⇒ (20) + 14 = 34


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Lucia and Borden fiddle with the cannon, managing to load one of the small pyramid of cannonballs that is conveniently located nearby. There is no black powder of course, but considering the insanity happening around them this seems like a minor point. And indeed this proves so - touching a lit tindertwig to the fuse of the loaded cannon produces a loud report, a severe recoil kick, and a large cloud of acrid grey smoke. This thins just in time for the group to see their shot 'splash' into the carpet, a few feet from the advancing Gropey Hot-tub Confident that they have their range, with Celeste's help they struggle to reload...

Meanwhile, Corlan maneuvers closer, pivoting his bathtub in the stiff souwester that now blows down the hallway. He too fires off a shot, but comes nowhere near.

Marie-Therese and Mr Rubberduck maneuver closer, getting off a single shot with their cannon with barely misses the approaching hot-tub.

The Gropey Hot-tub returns fire - ONE! TWO! THREE! cannons ring out as it broadsides the attacking fleet. One shot goes nowhere, one whistles over Corlan's head before smashing a hole in the wall, and another strikes Marie-Therese's bathtub, breaking away a large part and causing a large amount of foam to slosh out.

Meanwhile, Sister is searching the nearby cupboards and drawers. She finds:
- A set of tuning forks
- three assorted socks
- a chapbook titled "Milwaukee Yellow Pages 1978"
- what looks to be a fragment of a staff labeled "Part 4 of 7"
- A potted geranium
- A box of fireworks

but she's fairly sure there is no loofah here.

If Lucia and Borden want to fire the cannon each time, that's fine. I'll take Borden's roll as an 'aid another' to help with the aiming. You are currently firing at extreme range but this will improve as the hot-tub gets closer. Celeste and Mordan's best bets are to shout salty pirate oaths and curses which will grant circumstance bonuses to those on your side firing cannons.

Lucia and Borden - go!

Rotation:
Lucia
Borden
Corlan
Hot-tub
Celeste
Marie-Therese
Mordan & Sister


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

Hmmm, fireworks... "Hey, guys, sister may have found some intresting amunition for you"

Sister will bring the box of fireworks to the gun crew and then the staff part to Mordan.


Fireworks:

3 Jumping Jennys
2 Skyrockets
1 Skydragon
2 Paper Candles
1 Banshee Ballerina

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/equipment---final/weapons/alchemical-weapons


Bard/1 AC16/18 (T12 FF14 CMD15) HP14/[14] Init +4, SPD:30 Perform 2/[4] Fort +2 (+2 trait bonus vs. poison or drugs (+4 to avoid effects of alcohol), Ref +4, Will +1, Perc +5 SM -1 Action Pts: 5

Load quickly ye' scuvvy dog, says Borden getting into the spirt of things as he struggles to get a cannon shot into the device and helps aim.

Aid another: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

Lucia's eyes narrow as she wonders if Borden's 'scurvy dog' comment was directed her way, but her taste for violence wins out. With Borden's help, she sends another cannonball hurtling toward the Gropey Hottub.

Lucia ranged attack (AA): 1d20 + 6 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 6 + 2 = 14


Lucia's aim appears to have been put off by Borden's salty language, and her shot doesn't find its range, instead shattering a chandelier, sending crystal shards down on the combatants that briefly twinkle like foam before sinking beneath the billowing carpet.

Corlan again maneuvers, trying to get a good angle to shoot.

Cannon: 1d20 + 6 - 4 ⇒ (1) + 6 - 4 = 3

but barely avoids blowing up his own bathtub as the muzzle of the cannon dips at the last moment.

Marie-Therese, irate at taking damage, gives the Gropey Hot-tub all she has, broadsiding two shots at the vessel

Cannon: 1d20 + 8 - 4 ⇒ (2) + 8 - 4 = 6

Cannon: 1d20 + 8 - 4 ⇒ (15) + 8 - 4 = 19

One of which slams into the Hot-Tub sending wooden splinters and baby oil flying everywhere. Marie-Therese shrieks in delight and dances a naked foamy jig of joy in her bathtub.

Rotation (reordered) - Celeste and Mordan - go!
Rotation:
Lucia
Borden
Corlan
Marie-Therese
Celeste
Mordan & Sister
Hot-tub


Female Half-elf Oracle 3. AC 12. Hp 21. Init + 8. Low light vision. Perception + 2. Fort + 2. Will + 3. Ref + 3

If in range (30 feet) Celeste drops an Interstellar void on the Gropey hot-tub, if not she assists by yelling abuse at it.

Seeing Marie-Therese hit it she calls out. "That'll teach the lily livered scum! They'll have floaters after that one!"


While Mordan and Sister examine their findings, Celeste calls upon powers beyond time. A dark cosmic chill spreads from her towards the Gropey Hot-tub dropping the the temperature of its waters from balmy and pleasant to appendage-shrinkingly cold.

There are yelps and shrieks from the crew of the Hot-tub as they leap from the water and perch themselves on the tub edges, teeth chattering. With numb fingers they try to return fire at Corlan and Marie-Therese.

Cannono: 1d20 + 3 - 4 ⇒ (7) + 3 - 4 = 6
Cannono: 1d20 + 3 - 4 ⇒ (10) + 3 - 4 = 9
Cannono: 1d20 + 3 - 4 ⇒ (12) + 3 - 4 = 11

But the shock of immersion in chill waters is too much, and the fusillade goes wide.

Rotation - Lucia and Borden - go!
Rotation:
Lucia
Borden
Corlan
Marie-Therese
Celeste
Mordan & Sister
Hot-tub


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Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

"Very nice. That really shivered their timbers, so to speak." Mordan congratulates Celeste. Looking speculatively at the shivering frat boys he adds,"You know, somehow I thought they'd be better...equipped"


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

"About the fireworks, I was thinking we could load them into the bombarawatisit thing and shoot them at the enemy. Before they get close to our guys that is."


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

"Why don't you try aiming and firing the fireworks at the tub yourself?" Lucia suggests to Mordan. "I'm afraid they might just blow up if we tried to fire them from the cannon. Besides we've got more than enough balls here to deal with those scurvy lubbers!"

Lucia ranged attack: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (12) + 6 = 18

Add a +2 if Borden is successful with Aid Another.


M Human Slayer 3; hp 31/current 26

Corlan belatedly begins to realize just how much of an unbelievable disadvantage he's under, given his total lack of experience in sailing, ship navigation, and artillery. Seeing the shriveling members in the Gropey, he decides it's time to board and fight hand to hand.

"If you don't mind tossing me my swords, now would probably be a good time."


M Human Slayer 3; hp 31/current 26

Glancing over at Marie-Therese's dance, Corlan quickly gets back into character and shouts lustily, "Arr! Now that be how a real pirate queen jettisons the flotsam! By Davey Jones' seaweed-haired, eel-eaten pizzle (all preserved in brine), but I'm betting thee she can well handle a mainmast and give a good keel-hauling!"


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30
Lucia von Hendriks wrote:
"Why don't you try aiming and firing the fireworks at the tub yourself?" Lucia suggests to Mordan. "I'm afraid they might just blow up if we tried to fire them from the cannon. Besides we've got more than enough balls here to deal with those scurvy lubbers!"

"O.K. If you don't mind us taking a shot. I'd kinda like to see what happens"

Mordan will load the Bombard with the Jumping Jennys, Paper Candles and the Banshee Ballerina leaving the more dangerous looking ones aside.

link:

"Do you think you can fire this thing?" Mordan asks.
"I have watched the others. It looks simple enough."
"O.K., I'll light the fuses then you fire at yon hottub."
'Yon?"
"Sorry. Pirate talk is catching apparently. Just try to get the fireworks near the hottub."
"Yes!"

He'll twist the fuses together and once sister looks like she's ready, light them...

fire!: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (10) + 5 = 15


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

link:

"We have a problem." Mordan says worriedly.
"Problem?"
"Corian needs his sword."
"He was foolish to leave it behind"
"Maybe. I doubt he realized quite what he was getting himself into."
"Perhaps. Do you want me to shoot it to him?" Sister asks, doubtfully.
"No! He needs it in hand, not stuck through his head!
""Then what?"
"I was thinking of summoning a merfolk to bring it out to him but I'm not sure what will happen to you. Normally if I was to summon another creature, you would dissapear until I summoned you again. Now I don't know what will happen."
Sister thinks for a moment before answering, "It would be better to try it now When there is little threat than try it later when you are in danger. I do not think I will go anywhere."
"O.K."


Bard/1 AC16/18 (T12 FF14 CMD15) HP14/[14] Init +4, SPD:30 Perform 2/[4] Fort +2 (+2 trait bonus vs. poison or drugs (+4 to avoid effects of alcohol), Ref +4, Will +1, Perc +5 SM -1 Action Pts: 5

Borden gives a cheer and again aids with firing the Cannon (or firing on his own if Lucia is busy).

Ka-POW!: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6


M Human Slayer 3; hp 31/current 26

Corlan, looking at his multiple assailants, adds to his compatriots, "I seem to be slightly outnumbered -- if you've got a way to toss one sword, might as well send the other one, too."

Then, turning back to the Gropey, he hollers, "If ye scurvy knaves have the sense of a syphilis-addled cockleshell, ye'll be turning about and hoisting full sail back to yer barnacle-pit!"

Intimidate: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (18) + 1 = 19


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

Lucia takes Corlan's longsword, judges the distance, and heaves it--handle-first--towards the tub pirate.

Lucia ranged (touch?) roll: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (11) + 6 = 17


M Human Slayer 3; hp 31/current 26

Untrained Sleight of Hand to catch? 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (16) + 3 = 19
"Thanks, Lady Lucia! Hopefully I won't need Lady Luck today..."


Like a salmon leaping from a stream, except human-shaped and covered in bathfoam...anyway, in a manner totally unlike a leaping salmon, Corlan jumps into the air, catches his sword, and lands with a splash in his bathtub. He turns to see the irate, shrivelled crew of the Gropey Hot-tub bearing down on him, murder in their eyes and shot loaded in their cannons.

While Lucia is occupied in sword-throwing, Borden has a solo shot from the cannon, and succeeds in ricocheting the shot off the floor, wall-panel and ceiling before it smashes a large china jardiniere atop a nearby wardrobe. There is a distant cheer and excited clapping from behind the group, down the hallway, indicating that Isabella has halted her ceramic-related pogrom long enough to stop and watch the battle.

Faced with overwhelming odds, Corlan resorts to he best pirate-speak, which actually seems to have some effect.

Marie-Therese, still dancing her jig, fires off another shot at the enemy, oblivious to Corlan being in her line of fire.

Cannon: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14

Her shot misses its target, but puts a large dent in Corlan's bathtub. It is increasingly clear that his vessel is going to be uncarpetworthy if it takes much more punishment.

In the spirit of scientific inquiry, Mordan loads a large amount of unpredictable explosives into a delivery system totally unsuitable for them, and sets them all off at once. There is an ear-shattering BANG, followed by several whizzing noises, and a large cloud of multicoloured smoked rolls over the scene of the battle, obscuring everyone's vision. Strange wailing noises, accompanied by the occasional 'zip' and 'whoosh' as fireworks zoom around, bouncing off every surface, throwing bright orange and yellow sparks in all directions. Several patches of carpet are set on fire.

Fireworks Corlan: 1d20 ⇒ 12
Fireworks Marie-Therese: 1d20 ⇒ 17
Fireworks Hot-tub: 1d20 ⇒ 12
Fireworks Mordan: 1d20 ⇒ 2
Fireworks Celeste: 1d20 ⇒ 7
Fireworks Lucia: 1d20 ⇒ 11
Fireworks Borden: 1d20 ⇒ 20

Amazingly, no-one seems to be hurt at first. It takes Borden a few moments to realize that the smoke, flames and interesting smell are because his hair is actually on fire. 3hp fire damage


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

"Oops, sorry. My bad"


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Female Half-elf Oracle 3. AC 12. Hp 21. Init + 8. Low light vision. Perception + 2. Fort + 2. Will + 3. Ref + 3

Celeste laughs and claps. "Do it again!" If she can find a vase with water in it she helpfully pours it over Mordan's head.


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

Moron blushes and stammers, "The rest of the fireworks looks even more dangerous. Maybe we should save it for another occasion?"


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

On his turn, Mordan will summon a small water elemental into the frat boys hot tub.

Small Water Elemental:

(Stats include augment summoning)
CR 1

N Small outsider (elemental, extraplanar, water)
Init +0; Senses darkvision 60 ft.; Perception +4

DEFENSE
AC 17, touch 11, flat-footed 17 (+6 natural, +1 size)
hp 15 (2d10+4)
Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +0
Immune elemental traits

OFFENSE
Speed 20 ft., swim 90 ft.
Melee slam +7 (1d6+5) (+1 to att and dam if touching water)
Special Attacks drench, vortex (DC 13, 10–20 ft.), water mastery

STATISTICS
Str 16, Dex 10, Con 15, Int 4, Wis 11, Cha 11
Base Atk +2; CMB +5; CMD 15
Feats Power Attack
Skills Acrobatics +4, Escape Artist +4, Knowledge (planes) +1, Perception +4, Stealth +8, Swim +14
Languages Aquan

SPECIAL ABILITIES
Drench (Ex)

The elemental's touch puts out non-magical flames of Large size or smaller. The creature can dispel magical fire it touches as dispel magic (caster level equals elemental's HD).

Vortex (Su)

A water elemental can create a whirlpool as a standard action, at will. This ability functions identically to the whirlwind special attack, but can only form underwater and cannot leave the water.

Water Mastery (Ex)

A water elemental gains a +1 bonus on attack and damage rolls if both it and its opponent are touching water. If the opponent or the elemental is touching the ground, the elemental takes a –4 penalty on attack and damage rolls. These modifiers apply to bull rush and overrun maneuvers, whether the elemental is initiating or resisting these kinds of attacks.


Bard/1 AC16/18 (T12 FF14 CMD15) HP14/[14] Init +4, SPD:30 Perform 2/[4] Fort +2 (+2 trait bonus vs. poison or drugs (+4 to avoid effects of alcohol), Ref +4, Will +1, Perc +5 SM -1 Action Pts: 5

Gaaaaaah! What the feck?


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

"I said I was sorry!"


OK, let's keep to rotation - no water elemental yet.

Lucia - POST
Borden - POST
Corlan - POST
Hot-tub
Celeste
Marie-Therese
Mordan & Sister


Female Half-elf Oracle 3. AC 12. Hp 21. Init + 8. Low light vision. Perception + 2. Fort + 2. Will + 3. Ref + 3

"I love the smell of burning boozehounds in the hallway."


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

"How badly do you want your short sword?" Lucia calls to Corlan. "I'd hate for an errant throw to send it to the bottom of the...sea?"


M Human Slayer 3; hp 31/current 26

Corlan refrains holds off yelling back, keeping an eye on the Gropey to see if the Frat Brothers turn about. However, he mutters to himself, "Ooh, yeah, I want it bad!"


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

Not hearing a reply from Cap'n Corlan, Lucia instead returns her attention to the small bombard.

"Captain Barbarosa sends you his regards, scalawags and sea slatterns!" she cries, quoting the name of the only pirate captain she knows as she helps to rain unholy hell upon the Gropey Hottub.

Lucia Ranged Attack/Aid Another: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (10) + 6 = 16


The battlefield is so full of smoke that it is difficult to see the combatants, but Lucia's shot is good, delivering another blow to the Gropey Hot-Tub . With a shriek of tortured wood and metal, the vessel starts to list, rapidly taking on, er, carpet. As it slips below the waves, it sends off a final, desperate fusillade.

1d20 + 4 ⇒ (12) + 4 = 16

1d20 + 4 ⇒ (11) + 4 = 15

1d20 + 4 ⇒ (6) + 4 = 10

The first shot slams into Marie-Therese's bathtub, holing it below the waterline. Bathwater gushes out.

"Avast!" yells Marie-Therese. "I'm goin' down. It's Davey Jones's Locker fer me, Cap'n Corlan! But they'll sing songs o' this battle over their grog from the Garden Terrance ter the Throne Room, I'll be wagerin'. Seek the Golden Loofah, Cap'n, and remember me....."

The smoke closes again, and then slowly vanishes, leaving the group standing in the hallway. The battle damage to the walls and carpet has vanished. The only evidence remaining is a single pirate hat sitting in the middle of the hallway, and a now rather self-conscious and very naked Corlan sitting in a bathtub.


Female Half-elf Oracle 3. AC 12. Hp 21. Init + 8. Low light vision. Perception + 2. Fort + 2. Will + 3. Ref + 3

Celeste grabs the hat immediately. :)

Placing it on her head proudly, she thoughtfully turns her back on Captain full moon.

Concentrating as best she can through her own madness Celeste speaks to everyone. "We need to stop playing along with their madness! The house is drawing us in bit by bit. We need to find our way out or become just another set of lunatics trapped in an endless farce."


It's a Besmara's Bicorn, that work for anyone


Spoiler:
Mordan Lv 3|AC 17|HP 23/23: Sister AC 17(21)|HP 25/30

"I don't know, I kinda like it here. Beats getting burned alive anyway."


Female Human Fighter (Sensate) 3 | hp 21/28 | AC 23, t 13, ff 23 | Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +4 | Init +7 | Perc +6

Lucia carries Corlan's clothes and effects over and places them on the carpet near the tub, smirking the whole time. Then she returns to the others and replies to Celeste's declaration.

"Aye! We be turnin' into barmy bilge-rats ourselves! 'Course, when carpets turn themselves into oceans, it's only natural to play along a little."


Oh yes, and Borden has a water elemental sitting on his head.


Bard/1 AC16/18 (T12 FF14 CMD15) HP14/[14] Init +4, SPD:30 Perform 2/[4] Fort +2 (+2 trait bonus vs. poison or drugs (+4 to avoid effects of alcohol), Ref +4, Will +1, Perc +5 SM -1 Action Pts: 5

WTF ;D

Borden flails about seeking to dislodge the elemental.

CMB + 5: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (5) + 5 = 10


The water elemental leaps off Borden's head, landing with a soggy splash on the carpet. It bubbles angrily at the man for a moment, before sending a squirt of water up at his face. It then flows over to Mordan and bubbles angrily and insistently again.

Anyone speak Aquan?

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