Adventuring Lime!

Game Master Drako "The Merciful"

Hahaha, nice, on a mission. I said use your real Int mod. Unless your real life Int is 19, that's very, very impressive.

The elf's voice comes out in a quiet, yet resonating vibration of a voice. "I appreciate your resolve when handling that cyclopes. I have a mission for you. It pays very handsomely. Are you all available for employment? You don't have to come as a group. What say you?"

Eoko pulls out a book from her pouch and consults it. "Hmmmm... my notes say today, in this place, a perfectly normal, routine quest will be issued, which will quickly-and comedically-spiral out of control."

Eoko issues a soft pur. "Well, this looks to be my lucky day. For some incredibly cosmic mistake, this party didn't band together for this kind of thing at Hero Tier 1-according to where we met, it should've been a goblin raid, followed by an outbreak of ghouls, which lead into a huge city where we had to stop a murdering cult, and then kill a den of disgusting, hillbilly ogres... well, the list goes on and on."

Eoko then fishes out a three page contract with fish grease all over it. "This contract ensures that you, the contracter, will provide for resurrection through raise dead, resurrection recovery through greater restoration, mysterious, cryptic advice when necessary, cures for all afflictions (for uncurable conditions such as lycanthropy and vampirism, please see sub-clause three, where the party is to be recompensed an amount of gold pieces and fish appropriate to the threat level the former party member poses to the party [see: mook, henchman, lieutenant, or Big Bad Evil Guy]), and liability-and equal recompense-for any ills that befall the party due to incomplete information through cryptic hints provided on your part. Please sign here, here, here, here, annnnd here."

This trope is the core of Eoko: Extremely Genre-Savvy.

Very nice. Sense Motive: 1d20 ⇒ 20

"Why don't we triple the pay and forget all that? Hmmm?

"Mmmm, no thanks. Although I'm sure the rest of my party will charge blindly in-especially A.S.S. over there-I want to make sure we're completely covered. Although we've never had to raise the funds to get our party members resurrected, some of the higher end rez spells required to raise members from particularly nasty stuff, such as vampirism, can be pricy. I want to make sure that everything is covered here."

Eoko scratches herself for a moment, then says. "Well, tell me what the pay is. If you give me an estimate, then I might be convinced, as the pay may be enough to cover the whole party's raise deads and a resurrection. Though, be forewarned: there is an approximately 67% chance that after we do what little task you put up to us and come to collect our pay, we'll be just in time to watch a few mysterious figures in black slay you, and so you'll give us a mysterious clue as to what's really going on with your final bet. So, the contract's really your best bet."

Hey, I told you, I'm a vegetarian! You were supposed to correct sub-clause three. I want rambutan and lechee!

Karinah checks the old guy out, Triple what pay? You haven't actually made an offer yet. Come to think of it, you've not stated the mission either. And,... we've fulfilled our daily random encounter with giants. Just sayin'.

"1000 platinum half now, half when the job gets done. That is more than reasonable for a non-contracted quest of this caliber. There is a horrible creature, that no one can find, killing shipments of lumber to the north. It is vital that we get that wood up there. But, no one wants to go."

"And you're tripling that? Let me make some calculations..." Eoko pulls out a sheet of paper, and begins writing on it.

"35,000 gold for diamonds, 5,050 gold for spellcasting services... Wait a minute. 3000 platinum!?!?! This screams either 'set up' or 'skulking black figure slaying! Tier 6 heroes like us shouldn't be getting that much money!!! I've been conducting heavy studies into this kind of thing, and according to my charts, we should be having that much at TWICE our tier! NO WAY!!! TELL ME WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON!!!"

He clears his throat "I am not tripling that. 1000 platinum. That is quite a bit of coin. But, trade routes must be open. The hostile world that we live in..." He breaths in, in an old weezy breath and starts at the exhale."...raises the gold rewards per average party level for such a high economic demands. See, I can brake the fourth wall too, young lady."

Eoko's whiskers twitch. "Alright, I suppose I better accept this deal before Deadpool becomes outraged that we get to break the fourth wall more then him, and breaks through reality to slaughter us all. Oops, there I go again! Anyways, I accept."

So you haven'the been ableto get your woodup? I'm all for anything to keep one'side wood up.

Karina giggles, The wood must flow?

I'mean curious, how do you evenly divide 1000 into 3? What was your original number that you were trippling?

HAHAHA, who the heck are you, and all of that was funny. Where did you come from, in the senario. Like, were you hiding in the shadows, or something? Or did you just walk in and every one called out "Norm!"

"Why the standard 333333 cp, I just rounded up for you. I don't work for Paizo."

My apologies on that last post, it was from my phone and really got jacked up. Ynaeve is another of my alts.

Haha, it cracked me up. That character had the weirdest accent. But, got it. I'll imagine that's Karinah.

The blows hard, but the rain is letting up. The floorboards scream for help, as they continue to hang on to the cliff. The heros stair on blankly, the gaunt elf start's to get very uncomfortable. "Sooo...will you help?"

Eoko is reading an angry letter on red parchment. "Yeah, yeah, sure... Um, we might want to stop breaking the fourth wall... I'm holding in my hands right now an angry letter from Deadpool..." With an audible *POP*, another letter appears, and Eoko groans. "Annnnd there's one from the Order of the Stick. Oi. Yeah, I'll help you, if only to get these guys off my back."

"Great, now that that's settled, let's go shopping." Vaan grins. "500 platinum should make for a nice little shopping spree before the trip."

"A quest? This sounds like a job for ... ... Andoran's Sir Speedy! " There's a *whoosh* as the unassuming Ifrit ducks into a shadowy corner and reappears in Blue-and-White spandex. "FOR FREEEEEDOOOOM!!!!!!!!" He rushes out the door in a blur of motion. Several seconds later, he slowly walks back into the tavern sheepishly. "Um... Where exactly are we supposed to go?"

Moving turned into a massive disaster, but it's been sorted out. If all goes well, I'll have reliable internet again starting Saturday afternoon. Sorry for the silence.

Before we spend any coin, shouldn't we learn just a little more about this particular mission?

Karinah pulls a few journals from her bag and spreads them out before her, they're labeled:

A Quest into a Dungeon, Versions III, VI, and XIX
Watery Deeps and Sunken Booty
Grimtooth's Traps Too, Fore, and Ate
The National Forester
PlayFey, Desnus 4706

BLushing, Karinah grabs the last one and quickly shoves it in her bag, Uhm, for research, I just read the articles!

All of you posted! Busy at work, just excited enough to say this..

Eoko takes out an massive compendium of notes, then pages through them. "Well, since the giant activity on the Giant Attack days in this area is because the giants run away in terror as the green dragon marauds the next village over for food, so it can't be that. Hand me that copy of the Forester, will you, Kari? And do you have Seoni's notes on the Rise? I also need those files I lent to you from the Pathfinders interdimensionally, in order to better extrapolate whether this is a Small Beginnings with a Mysterious Threat tie-in, or a simple One-Shot Adventure. That will be rather important, I'm afraid."

Karinah glares at Eoko, and pulls a small tablet from her bag. Quickly typing onto it she sorts through a couple of menus before sending the requested files back. We're not supposed to be using these here! The locals might get uppity!

Eoko gives a smile. "Since Iron Gods is coming out soon, I'm betting that the GM will go crazy. As a matter of fact..." She gestures towards the waitress, who has a cybernetic arm and a lightsaber hilt. "Case in point. We can probably use these."

She then takes out her own tablet-failing to notice that her right eye has strange blue lines running through it and seems to be glowing slightly-and takes a look. "See? No Continuity Police are coming after us."

And at that moment a couple men in black suits come and drag the waitress away. No Continuity Police, but Copyright Police are everywhere and they don't mess around when it comes to Star Wars.

"Soooooo....anyways.....Looks like you are in. The monster has been killing people along the major road. He hit's up and down the road, not sure where to start. They might have information in tonw. When you have slayed the beast, bring an identifiable piece to me so I know what we might deal with and you may have your reward. I will, be waiting for you at the Inn of the Prancing Pony."

The weezy elf reaches behind his back and pulls out a hefty bag of coin. Loose in his hand, he tosses it onto the table, only to have it hit the edge and start to spill.

Reflex save everyone. DC 25!

Reflex Save: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (5) + 11 = 16

Eoko is a bit slow to the punch, and the coins slip away from her. "...ELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!" she roars.

reflex dc 25: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (20) + 10 = 30
acrobatics: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (18) + 15 = 33

Karinah laughs with glee as she spurs Pteri and dives towards Eoko's legs. Jumping from her steed she flips through the air , runs up the backside of Eoko. Using an ear for leverage, Karinah spins around Eoko's head, the other hand quickly grabbing coins from the air and tossing them up with quick flips of her wrist. Jumping off Eoko's outstretched hand, as if from a diving board, Karinah jumps up on the table, grabbing and flicking more coins as they are falling.

Landing next to the bag on the table she catches the coins falling back down and neatly drops them into four stacks.

Buyaaah

O.k. Karinah, nice moves, but how about a CMD check to not be pulled down? Mwahahahaha! Pull: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 1 = 9 AWWWWW!

Karinah pulls the coin pouch up and there, laying in front of her, is a massive pile of platinum. They are polished and gleaming, even in the dim light.

"Soooo....beautiful..."

Eoko is drooling. Flat out drooling. "Wealth... by... level... completely disregarded... we'll be able to break the game with this..."

You all hear a resonating disembodied voice sing through the hall, Sheiale el aiehs

I figured the scene wasn't intrinsic to the plot and therefore some liberal poetic license was acceptable. In more critical areas I'll be more careful of how many 'actions' I perform at one time.

Karinah had been splitting the platinum into piles when another voice speaks. Eoko, can you check that script? I thought we were supposed to at least start spending the coin before we got an interruption.

Turning to weezy And we still don't have much to go on. Which road, what kind of 'monster', yadda yadda yadda.

"I would assume the main road north as that's where the shipments are disappearing."Vaan interjects unable to take his eyes off the pile of loot."And any quest giver worth his salt knows that he can't give the adventurers ALL the information. Without the air of mystery what's the point?"

As I said before; I don't know where other than the main road. You'll have to investigate IN TOWN. The gastly old elf walks to the door, that is nearly finished already. He turns back. I have to get back. Thank you.

"Well," Vaan grabs his share of the loot and pockets it.
Vaan obtained 125 platinum
"we had best get to it then. Figure I'll can ask around town a bit and then we can meet up tomorrow morning at the main road." Vaan gets up to leave.
Will roll gather information(Diplomacy) once conversation finishes, but will more than likely fail

Town is a 3 hour march and it's late.

Oops
"Ah, nevermind. It's late. I'm gonna hit the hay and head toward town in the morning."

The old man, offers his rooms upstairs to the hero's for dealing with the cyclopes. "You may rest in my rooms upstairs before you head out, as my gratitude for dealing with the cyclopes. You will be safe." Then he assures them that they will be safe.

Vaan thanks the old man heads up to his room and sleeps.

Eoko stays up all night extrapolating different quest paths, then realizes that the GM won't put up with her shenanigans and falls asleep on the table.

Vaan wakes up and prepares for his departure to the nearby town?

Karinah packs up the small hammock she had strung up in the rafters and comes down for breakfast. An early riser, she waits for the rest of her party while she sips at a cup of tea.

Hey Vaan, ready for a predictable but unexpected ambush?

Eoko is NOT a morning person. Somehow, she changed into her bathrobe while sleeping, and is now shuffling around, disheveled and looking to imbibe large amounts of caffeine. After finding the requisite amount of coffee (i.e., the equivalent of how much mead a dwarf would drink with a hundred platinum burning in his pocket in a single night) Eoko lets out a sight of relief as the bathrobe morphs back to her normal outfit.

"2-to-1 odds on bandits. Wouldn't put money on it though, since the GM has removed Knowledge (tvtropes), from my character sheet, but a trait will allow me to make the check untrained, at least. Apparently, he doesn't want to put up with my shenanigans for this adventure."

Sir Speedy can catch up. He needs his sleep.

They try to wake up Alec, but to no avail. Karinah mounts her riding lizard. Eoko got destracted. Vaan is waiting outside for the others. After they assemble our heroes head out for town, five miles away, a three hour march.

How far behind Alec is will be based on how quickly you post that you are getting ready.

Ah, the trials of Sir Speedy. RL is conspiring to make him late for everything, but I kind of like the irony. ;-) I just need to update gear, and I'll be ready to go.

Alec wakes up from a very refreshing dream about eating a huge marshmallow. that's odd ... I could have sworn I had a pillow earlier ... When he goes downstairs, breakfast is long over, but he's not very hungry, so that doesn't matter. Quickly realizing that he's alone, he rushes to the market, buys a few necessities, and takes off running to catch up. "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say 'hello, goodbye', I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"

Vaan steels himself for the traveling montage.

reference check: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22 Crushed it. Good one on the rabbit, but with a 22 on my reference check, I also got the reference of the pillow. It's from animaniacs, the kid who walks out the door, says something, and goes back in his house. Now that was a nice reference.

As the three adventurers take their first steps, Alec busts out the door, whipping it so fast (and in the direction it wasn't intended to go(towards outside)) that it brakes off its hinges. Alec looks back at the old man behind the bar, through the opening. The wrinkled old man just waives him to go on.

Beautiful sunny day. A bit damp still from the horrid downpour last night. Way out in the distance the land slopes upwards and comes to a berm that stretches the boarder of where the eyes can see.

Vaan has marked out int the mud:

Adventure This Way --->

"Uh ... sorry about that ... Who's up for an adventure!"

Eoko sighs. "We're supposed to always be up for an adventure, A.S.S. It's in our contract." She mounts her horse-named Rarity-then begins running through the random encounter tables for plains and forests in her head.

You reach town, safe and sound. wink. Andromadine is a city of walls. Battered and beautiful. Layers of walls gives this city its sudonym "The Ten Rings." Each wall of this massive city has more security than the last ring. The poor live on the outside ring and there is little traveling between rings, though much trade. All of the 10 rings is more like a self governing city. Each with their own imports and exports. Vast distences span between rings, getting smaller in the center.

There first ring is Kaden lahal. Miles before the next ring, much farming is done here. Run down and corrupt, you will never find a city with more crime and villany. The city "watch" wear full white, thin, plates of armor. Dictated by a man known to few; his orders are carried out by a great worrior in all black armor. It is wise not to anger him.

Despite this, people enjoy simple pleasures and get by. Contending with constant threats, Lahalens have become tough themselves.